Hmm… would you like a diamond for Valentine’s Day? Well, unfortunately, we can’t make that happen (unless you want to send us your husband’s email address so that we can drop him a not so subtle hint). But you might actually already have a diamond you’ve overlooked… a diamond in the rough. Where is it, you ask? Look no further than your own husband.
You see, most people, our husbands included, have potential or untapped abilities that are under the surface. Like a diamond, they have to be polished to reveal their true beauty. So even if you think you’re aware of all of your husband’s facets or you think he’s much too rough to ever be a diamond, you might actually be able to discover a lot of hidden beauty in your husband.
Try these 5 ways to bring out the best in your husband and let us know what you find.
Treat him like a flawless gem.
Okay, maybe you see your husband as something far from a diamond. But is it because that’s what you expect from him? Have you already decided that he’s a lost cause so you treat him that way? Most people rise to the occasion. They take steps to become who we expect them to be. It’s called the Pygmalion Effect and it’s been proven in many studies, higher expectations lead to better performance.
So the next time you want to say something like, “I hate to ask you this, because you always forget to do it, but can you…” Instead, say something like this, “I really need help with ______ today and know you’re the man to turn to.”
Give him a chance to sparkle.
No, don’t tell him that you’re giving him a chance to sparkle. In fact, don’t use the word sparkle with him at all. What I mean is this, look for untapped areas in which he can shine. Before my husband and I got married, I had no idea he was such a handyman. I was ready to call a painter when it was time to spruce up our bathroom, but he took charge—caulking, cutting in, and doing a great job. Had I moved forward without letting him try, I never would’ve known about his hidden ability.
Think about areas where you might have assumed your husband wouldn’t do an adequate job and give him a chance. If you see him thinking about trying something but he’s afraid he might fail, encourage him.
Remember that he’s not really a diamond.
Up until 2009, diamonds held the title as the hardest naturally occurring mineral. (Lonsdaleite was proved to be 58% harder than a diamond.) But your husband is not a mineral, he’s a man. The point? Don’t smash him to bits when he messes up. Let him fail with dignity; encourage him to try again. Which leads us to the next point…
Make him feel like a rock star.
Just like you would probably oohh and aahh over a beautiful rock (diamond), when your husband does start revealing his hidden talents, let him know how much you love him and how proud you are of what he’s accomplished. I remember when my husband painted his first portrait of one of our children. I truly was impressed and had no idea he could even paint! So my enthusiasm for his work was genuine. But imagine if I had nitpicked his efforts or downplayed them in some way? That talent would’ve gone underground.
Carats don’t matter.
Some of my friends have gorgeous, huge diamond rings. They really are beautiful and I have told them how pretty I think they are. But I would never think of coming home to my husband and saying, “Wow, you should see Sarah’s new diamond anniversary ring, I told her that her husband must really like her!”
I know you’d never do that, but be sure to carry that attitude into your husband’s efforts. If he offers to build you some shelves in your hall closet, don’t say, “I’d love that! In fact, I saw the ones Courtney’s husband built for her, and they’re amazing. Do you want me to find out how he did it?”
Your husband, like every diamond, is unique. Don’t look at someone else’s husband’s talents and expect your husband to have those. Hold your own husband up to the light and see where he has the potential to shine.
So what about your diamond in the rough? Are you ready to help him shine?