“How am I supposed to talk to my friends?” my teenage son asked on yet another weeknight. “They have phones, and I don’t. It’s embarrassing. I feel left out.” I felt for him. As he’s gotten older, it’s become the norm for kids to have their own phones. But I’m concerned about it. My husband and I just don’t think he needs all that power in his hands. But at the same time, we don’t want him to feel disconnected from his friends either. No parents want their kid to feel left out, and no mom wants to be the reason for it.
So, we got to talking. My husband and I want to stick to what we feel is right, but we also don’t want our son to be left out of his social circle or feel like he’s cut off from his friends. Is it possible to stick to what we value but also prevent our kids from feeling cut off? For those of you who are in the same boat, there’s a compromise that can work. Here are 5 ways to keep a kid with no phone connected.
1. Allow her to use social media on the home computer.
“You can do Instagram,” Stephanie’s mom told her as she folded laundry. “But only on the big computer in the living room.” Her daughter pouted. “You’re gonna spy on me.” Her mom smiled but kept folding. “That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”
Your child can stay connected to friends, but you keep tabs. It’ll be harder for her to waste time or peruse pages she shouldn’t if you’re regularly walking through the room.
2. Consider giving him a flip phone or a high-tech watch.
I asked my teenager if he wanted a flip phone, but he surprised me by saying no. “I’d be made fun of,” he said. Later, I talked with a friend, and she told me about a “dumb” phone that looks like a smartphone but is only good for talking and texting. Maybe that would be a better option for my kid.
Texting and phoning are more beneficial forms of communicating with friends than through social media. Giving my kid a text and call-only phone would do more to foster positive relationships because that would be its sole focus—no minutes lost to mindless scrolling.
Texting and phoning are more beneficial forms of communicating with friends than through social media. Click To Tweet3. Encourage gatherings at your house.
“Why don’t you invite the guys over for foosball and Ping-Pong this weekend?” I suggested. My son scrunched up his nose. “We could do a bonfire and s’mores instead and set up the speakers on the patio?” He nodded at the second option. A win for Mom.
Keeping my kid with no phone connected takes work. But in the end, isn’t it worth it to have more face-to-face experiences? If my son had a phone, he might be in touch with his friends, but nothing’s as good as in-person time to build and sustain friendships. Plus, he’ll be able to work on his social skills including eye contact and reading body language. You can’t do that over the phone.
4. Find and encourage after-school activities your kid would like.
I flipped through the mailer we received from the library. It had a whole page on teen activities coming up. “Want to do the murder mystery event at the library next month?” I said to my kids. Their middle school also emails a weekly newsletter. It’s how I found out about the robotics club and the swim club for my kids.
Getting involved with school and community activities helps keep my kid with no phone connected and not isolated. He spends time with others his age doing fun things face to face. Recently, he’s made new friends through the library’s teen book club and our church’s Boy Scout troop.
5. Keep communication lines open with other parents.
Seeing another mom at the grocery store and knowing her name made it easy for me to say, “Hey, Simone! Gavin should come over this weekend. We haven’t seen him in a while!” Later, I prompted my son to make arrangements with Gavin when he saw him at school.
It might take a little work on your part. Whether it means volunteering at school, joining the PTO, or making conversation at games and concerts, the connections you make can keep your kid with no phone connected.
What other ways can we keep our kids with no phones connected with friends?
