My toddler daughter batted away my hands. “I can do it,” she said with a forceful edge to her words. I didn’t feel totally comfortable with her standing unsupported on the playground structure. But I forced myself to push my hands down to my sides. Hardly a foot off the ground, she believed she could hang out there without any help from me and be just fine. Maybe she was right.
It was hard for me to release my control, but I told myself if she fell, it wouldn’t be far, and hey—the ground had that squishy new playground surface. Sometimes it’s hard to let our little ones do things on their own. But there are 5 signs it’s time to stop overparenting and babying your baby—because it’s going to be good for her development and growth.
1. She doesn’t want to be called a baby.
“No ‘baby!’ That’s what she says now,” my friend Andrea told me. I thought about little Katelyn with her big smile and pudgy cheeks. She was adorable, and even if her mom and I thought of her as a baby at 2 years old, apparently Katelyn didn’t. Andrea shrugged. “So no, she’s not a baby anymore, and it makes me sad.” But my friend admitted her daughter’s attitude came with perks. Because she didn’t want to be called a baby, Andrea could tell her that “big girls can put on their own clothes” and “big girls can put napkins on the table.” For now, it’s working!
2. He makes decisions on his own.
When my son decided he wanted to walk instead of ride in his stroller during our typical morning jaunt by the river, I realized I needed to let him. He was growing up! And he wasn’t happy anymore sitting back and riding all the time. So, even though I would’ve rather gotten a good walk in that morning, I unbuckled my son and let him toddle about.
If your little one wants to do big-kid things, it’s time to stop overparenting by doing things for him—let him do things himself. He’s taking initiative and exploring his world. Commend him! By supporting your child in these moments, you’re helping him grow into his own person.
If your little one wants to do big-kid things, it’s time to stop overparenting by doing things for him—let him do things himself. Click To Tweet3. She can do things herself.
My then 18-month-old daughter liked to push the elevator button in our condo building. She’d also wave to the man at the front desk. When he peered over the counter to ask her how her day was going, I bit my tongue and let her figure out an answer. She usually did all right, even if I had to translate a little.
Try stepping back more with your words and actions. Not everything has to be perfect. Whether it’s walking instead of being carried, putting on her own shoes, or washing her hands by herself, she’ll build confidence the more she does without you stepping in.
4. He’s working on a skill and is almost there.
It’s so tempting to do it yourself, especially when you’re in a hurry. Some children won’t want your help, but others are too happy to let you take over. If he’s working on a new skill like buttoning a button, going to the potty, or stacking blocks in the right order, try keeping your hands in your lap a moment or two longer. Give him encouragement: “You can do it! You’re doing great!”
Give your child the space and time to practice the new skill by not overparenting and stepping in for him. His fingers aren’t as dexterous as yours, and he doesn’t have your warehouse of knowledge about germs, but he’ll learn by trial and error. We want our children to develop persistence and resilience, and they can start developing them now.
5. She wants to help.
It surprised me when my toddler daughter wanted to help around the house. And honestly, it made me a little sad. She was my baby! But I didn’t want to squelch her motivation. I wanted to encourage her kindness and helpfulness. When she wandered over to help sort kitchen towels or stack diapers in the wicker basket, I let her.
According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2- and 3-year-olds can do simple chores like helping to put groceries and toys away. But if your child wants to do more and it’s safe for her to try, let her. My daughter liked to put away the plastic Ikea dishes from the dishwasher and pull the big, adult broom around the kitchen. If your little one is no longer content being babied, that’s something we need to honor. And your encouragement can go a long way to grow that budding independence.
How do you resist overparenting your baby, and what do you let her do for herself?
