The other night, I lay in bed, thinking about the day my son was born. I remembered everything. The monitor’s beeps at my bedside. The time on the wall clock. The wrinkles in the doctor’s face and the touch of my husband’s hand on my shoulder. I remember the first time I held my son in my arms, his eyes sealed shut, his tiny face peeking out of the tightly wrapped blanket. How I longed to see his fingers and toes! I unwrapped him just a bit and marveled at their diminutive size. Those hands and feet are now as big as mine—bigger! Years have passed, but that memory still feels so fresh. How have we gotten to the teen years so quickly?
As we near my son’s 15th birthday, I think about all that has changed—in his life and mine. It’s hard to let go of that little boy, whom I can still feel nestled in my arms as if it were yesterday. But I’m trying to balance my own emotions as a mom of a teenager with his—a boy who’s figuring out who he is and what he wants in life. It’s a transitional time for us both! Check out these 9 things to see if you’re parenting teenage boys right.
1. You’re respecting his need to pull away.
This has been hard for me, but I’m trying to remember that it’s natural for a boy to separate from his mom. He’s trying to figure out who he is apart from me. Learning who he is as an individual is important for his well-being now and down the road when he decides what he’s going to do after high school and what he wants to do for a living.
2. You’re giving him more responsibilities.
Maybe you’ve had him run into the store to pick up a few items. Maybe you’ve let him bike to a friend’s house across town or, if he’s driving, meet friends at the movie theater. These are bigger responsibilities than he had a few years ago. He’s earning your trust. What other responsibilities could you give him to encourage his confidence and to help him grow?
3. You’re giving him a little more freedom, but not too much.
You’ve let him stay home alone while you and your husband catch a movie. You’ve let him have a phone or his own computer. But you don’t leave him home alone all day. You ask, “How did you spend your time?” And you check his browser history even with safeguards in place. You’re giving him more freedom, but you know he’s still growing and learning. Way to go, Mom!
4. You’re still there when he needs you.
Some moms think that once their kids hit the teen years, they need their moms less. But not you! Even when you have work to do, you make sure to touch his arm or tousle his hair when you’re nearby. You ask him questions about his day and reconnect at bedtime. Your son knows you’re there when he wants to talk because he sees it in your eyes, hears it in your voice, and feels it in your touch.
Your son knows you’re there when he wants to talk because he sees it in your eyes, hears it in your voice, and feels it in your touch. Click To Tweet5. You’re respecting his privacy more.
He’s not a baby anymore and you know it! He has body hair! And smells different! These days, you knock and wait for him to call out in his deep voice before stepping into his room. You no longer go through his backpack, but you make sure to ask about schoolwork. You don’t hesitate to look at his grades online, but you let him handle issues with his teacher instead of stepping in.
6. You’re still offering affection.
You love a good hug, and you tell your son so. This encourages him to give you more, making you both happy. You don’t think twice about giving his shoulder a squeeze at breakfast, but these days, you know kisses are only an occasional thing. You’re OK with it because there are other ways you show your affection. You fist bump for a good grade and pat his back after he empties the dishwasher. Good job, Mom!
7. You’re respecting the push/pull of adulthood.
Sometimes, your son surprises you by cuddling on the couch at the end of a busy week. But then he pushes you away as you reach for a hug before school. You don’t let it bring you down because you know the push and pull of the teenage years is normal. And he knows you’re always there when he needs you.
8. You love him no matter what!
His brain is growing, and impulse control takes center stage in adolescence. Your son sometimes makes poor decisions, but you remind him of the correct choices and gently steer him back onto the right path. You know it’s just a stage and he’s still in that process of figuring himself out. Your love isn’t conditional, and he knows it because you tell him you love him on the good days and the bad.
9. You’re teaching him faith.
Your son is learning so much about himself, about his likes and dislikes, and he’s doing so while learning your values. You make time to prioritize God and you pray with your son often—whether in the car, at bedtime, or somewhere in between. He knows God loves him and he’s learned it from you. Keep it up, Mom! You’re shaping a boy into a man with the best you’ve got!
Parenting teenage boys can be emotional for moms, but also joyful as we see the fruits of our labor. What else are you doing to help your boy grow up well?
