A usually energetic 4-year-old girl slogged into church childcare one Sunday morning, looking very unhappy. Her family had overslept, missed Sunday school classes, and arrived late for the main church service. She found a spot by herself and began to stack blocks quietly on the floor. She was content until two well-meaning teenage volunteers repeatedly tried to get her to join the other kids to play. After several minutes of insisting she just wanted to play alone, the little girl became so upset that her mom had to leave service to calm her down.
The teens just wanted to cheer up the little girl. They didn’t understand that because of her unusually hectic morning, she needed time to chill out. Like those teens, sometimes, when our kids are quiet, it can make Mom uncomfortable, but there’s usually no need to worry. Here are 4 times it’s OK for your kid to be quiet.
1. When They Need a Break
Overstimulation happens to kids in many ways: too much noise, TV, video games, crowds, or their socks just don’t fit right. When these things happen, sometimes kids just need a break.
A kid arriving home from school may need a break. Learning, interacting with other kids, and following school rules all day is hard work! As moms, sometimes we expect our kids to dive straight into homework or extracurriculars. We must remember that it’s OK if they need time to relax after school. A few minutes of quiet time to eat a snack and watch their favorite show may be all they need to jump back into homework and activities.
2. When They Need Time to Process Emotions
My daughter will often climb in my lap when she’s upset, overwhelmed, or sad. In those moments, she needs safety and time to feel. I want to ask her what’s wrong to make her feel better, but that’s not what she needs. So, we just sit quietly together, and my quiet kid gets to process internally in the safety of my presence. As moms, we want to fix everything that hurts our kids. We need to remember that these quiet times are valuable. Moms are their kids’ safe place when they need time to be quiet and feel.
Moms are their kids’ safe place when they need time to be quiet and feel. Click To Tweet3. When They Are Daydreaming
“Earth to Jack?!” This is commonly heard in my friend’s house. Her son, Jack, spends his quiet time daydreaming. When his mom asks him what he’s doing, he’ll reply, “I’ms thinking,” in his sweet preschooler speak. His mom used to be concerned when she saw Jack seemingly zone out. After ensuring there was no cognitive condition causing his behavior, Jack’s mom realized that Jack just liked to daydream, and he became a quiet kid when he did.
Your kid’s daydreaming may be less frequent or obvious than Jack’s. Still, daydreaming is essential for kids learning to set goals and explore creativity. Daydreaming is when kids can imagine their deepest desires. When they can take pleasure in thinking about the things they want, daydreaming can help kids learn to problem solve. Kids can be creative and authentically themselves in their daydreams.
4. When They Have a Reserved Personality
My kids and I went to a magic show with a few other kids and their moms. For the entire show, children laughed and clapped, clearly enjoying the performance. My more reserved daughter smiled with the occasional giggle and polite applause. Worried that my daughter wasn’t enjoying the show, one of the other moms asked what was wrong. I explained to the mom that my daughter was having fun. She’s just a more reserved, quiet kid who expressed her joy differently than the other kids.
As moms, we want our kids to participate and find joy in watching them have fun. Yet, we need to realize that some kids just like to observe or aren’t interested in the spotlight. These kids may be quieter than most, and that’s OK.
When do you need time to be quiet?
