Have you ever met a kid who just knocks your socks off? That’s how I feel about Carlos. This 15-year-old is a great musician and student. Grounded in his faith. Well-mannered. I find myself wondering what his parents did to create such a well-rounded person. If I hadn’t watched him grow up, I’d be tempted to check if he’s got a plug somewhere—proof that he’s A.I.
I want my kids to be well-rounded, but I don’t want them to be just like Carlos. I want them to be the best versions of themselves. There are a lot of qualities I think it takes to be well-rounded, but I narrowed it down to 5 to focus on. Here they are, along with ways moms can help kids build these important qualities.
1. Getting Along With People
Don’t mistake this for being a “people person.” Your child doesn’t need to be the most popular kid in school to be a well-rounded person. I have a friend who is a classic introvert, but when he’s around people, he listens, asks questions, smiles, and is respectful.
You can build this quality in your child by encouraging him to be curious about others.
A study by Harvard Business School found that “people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners.” If you have kids who are uncomfortable starting conversations, practice with them. Teach them to ask questions like “Did you get anything good for Christmas?” instead of saying “You won’t believe how many games I got for my Switch.” A kid eager to learn about others can get along with just about anyone.
A kid eager to learn about others can get along with just about anyone. Click To Tweet2. Having Interests
If you ask my son’s classmates what their favorite hobbies are, many will say “Minecraft!”(my son included). Video games provide effortless entertainment and make it too easy for kids to watch time go by. Sure, video games are a hobby, but if screens are the only things your child is interested in, he’s missing out.
You can build this in your child by seeking out opportunities to try new things.
We were almost past the skate park when my husband pulled the car over and told everyone to hop out. For the next hour we watched kids practice drop-ins and alley-oops. When we got home, my kids added skateboards to their birthday wishlists. Look for things that can open your child’s eyes to new interests. Cooking classes, pickleball lessons, a discounted bracelet loom… you never know what might become his next great passion.
3. Having a Strong Moral Compass
My son and I were reading a YA book by James Patterson. The main character said to his son, “When they go low…” and his son finished the sentence with “we go high.” We paused the book to discuss choosing to do the right thing even when others don’t.
You can build this in your child by spending time together as a family.
Reading together, attending church, eating dinner together, doing chores… They’re all opportunities to discuss and model good morals and values. And family togetherness builds strong emotional bonds, which lead kids to make healthier decisions.
4. Knowing How to Have Fun
Looking back at my college experience, I remember going to class, studying, and working. Girls at work would ask if I wanted to go out after a shift, and I’d almost always say no. I’m sure they thought I was a bit of a stick in the mud. I think I was afraid of letting loose and having fun.
You can build this in your child by showing your silly side more often.
Fun is restful and rejuvenating, so participate in the fun in your home. Telling kids “go outside and have fun” isn’t nearly as effective as putting down work to jump into a snowball fight or trying the latest TikTok choreography. A fun mom shows kids that fun should be a priority.
5. Having Emotional Intelligence
The short definition of emotional intelligence (or EQ) is “being smart about feelings.” Research by psychologist, author, and science journalist Daniel Goleman suggests emotional intelligence is twice as strong a predictor as IQ of later success in life. A kiddo with high EQ is typically a good sharer and listener and shows self-control. The good news is that while a person’s IQ doesn’t change, his or her EQ can!
You can build this in your child by seeing her emotions as opportunities to connect.
When I’m tired or distracted, or when I don’t have a solution for my kids’ tricky emotions, I’m tempted to tell them they don’t need to feel how they’re feeling. It’s easier to say that “everything’s OK” or “that’s a silly thing to worry about.” But there’s no relational connection there—only disconnection. When our kids come to us with their hearts open, it’s a gift. By handling it with care, we can teach them to do the same with others and grow in EQ.
What do you think makes a well-rounded person, and how are you trying to help your kids grow in that way?
