One of my twins asked me to do something, and I replied that it would be a few minutes as I finished up what I was working on. But those “few” minutes turned into several as I added more things to my list. Then I heard a little voice say, “Mommy, I’m being patient!” I realized I was guilty of taking advantage of my daughter’s patience. But patience for kids is a real challenge. My toddler had been patiently and quietly waiting for me to be done. However, because there were no screams or tantrums, I thought I had more time.
I wondered what message I was sending to my children if I only responded promptly to screams and tantrums. Can you relate? Instead of encouraging misbehavior, here are 5 ways we can help encourage patience in kids.
1. Compliment them when they are patient.
There were times I only focused on the behavior I didn’t want to see. I called my children out when they were impatient but didn’t compliment them when they were patient. I needed to do both.
Complimenting your children when they do good helps to reinforce the behaviors you want to see. This also lets them know they don’t have to behave negatively to get attention from you. This in turn can help create more patience in kids.
Complimenting your children when they do good helps to reinforce the behaviors you want to see. Click To Tweet2. Respond within the agreed upon timeframe.
I was on the phone with a friend when her daughter walked into the room. My friend told her daughter she’d only be five minutes longer. After those five minutes, she asked to end our call so she could go on a walk with her daughter. She kept her word to her daughter. I was impressed!
There are times when I make a promise to my children and then justify not doing it. Our children will be less likely to be patient if they don’t trust we will do what we say we will. Research shows that kids are willing to wait when they trust the adult asking them to do the waiting.
3. Require patience.
I was on a work call in my car with someone I’ve worked with for years and who was also a part of my support system. My kids screamed so loudly that I had to stand outside my car to finish the call. This person knew that, because of single mom guilt, I struggled to require patience or discipline. She lovingly advised me to teach my children how to be patient for my children’s and my benefit.
I started implementing purposeful delays, like waiting until I finished eating what was on my plate for dinner before getting my children seconds. This got my kids used to waiting. I also periodically practiced having my kids be quiet when I took a call, even if I didn’t need quiet, so they would be quiet when it was necessary.
4. Use a visual.
One December, my twins asked me nearly every day if it was Christmas yet. I got tired of answering the question, so together, we drew a calendar, filled in the important dates, and added plenty of color and stickers. This helped them to practice their drawing and creativity while developing patience for kids as they counted and checked off the days.
Visuals help little kids understand when something will happen, which encourages patience. Use a calendar like I did, or use iMOM’s Patience Character Builder printable, a timer, or a color-changing alarm clock.
5. Model patience.
I stared at the clock while I complained about the wait. It had been 20 minutes, and we hadn’t ordered. Finally, the server walked over to our table and probably saw the irritated expression on my face. He said, “I thought you were waiting for one more person.” Immediately, I apologized because I never told him the last person decided not to come.
Our children copy what we do. When we have to wait, are we a good example of waiting with patience and kindness? You can teach patience in kids by talking to them about the times you practiced patience and when you could have handled a situation better. This helps you to bond, build trust, and let your children know you are journeying together.
How can you model patience for your child?
