I helped a friend move into her new house and found myself coveting her bathroom. It had two walk-in closets, a huge shower, and a long vanity with a double sink. I said, “Sarah! This bathroom!” She replied, “Yeah, but it’s missing a tub, and I love a hot bath.” I said, “Not me. I’d be fine never taking another bath.”
Just like everyone has a different language they use to give and receive love from others, we also have different languages for self-love. My way is not a bubble bath, but Sarah’s is. I don’t think most moms take time to really think about how we want to feel love from ourselves. We just do the things that other people do and expect them to fill our cups. Here’s how Gary Chapman’s five love languages translate to self-love. Which one feels the most loving to you?
Just like everyone has a different language they use to give and receive love from others, we also have different languages for self-love. Click To TweetGifts
As a self-love language, gifts communicate that you are worthy. I don’t spend a lot of money on myself because when I do, I feel guilty. “Do I really need that latte?” But when we splurge on a gift, we’re telling ourselves we’re worth it. Before you pull out your credit card, remember this language is about being intentional, not spending willy-nilly. If gifts is your self-love language, take it further than a cup of coffee, and put as much thought into loving yourself as you do others.
Get yourself a gift that brings you peace, like a wind chime for the back porch.
Or get a gift that takes care of your body, like a skincare product.
Some gifts just make life easier, and that’s a great way to show self-love. Get yourself a gadget you’ve been wanting for your kitchen.
Acts of Service
This one’s a little tricky. Acts of service feel like things you do for others, but it’s really about showing care through tangible actions, and you can totally do that for yourself. If you’re constantly doing things that cause you to sacrifice your own well-being, acts of self-service might be the language that speaks most loudly to you.
Take time to prep lunches for yourself for the week so you don’t have to eat on the go.
Leave the mess in the kids’ rooms alone, and organize your own closet so it’s easier to get dressed in the morning.
Get your groceries delivered.
Physical Touch
I’m a physical touch person, so as soon as my kids walk through the door, I hug them, and it’s not uncommon for me to hold my husband’s hand as we fall asleep. Showing self-love through this language is about doing something good for your body. And whether this is your self-love language or not, it’s worth it to give our bodies a break from the rigor we put them through and say “I love you” in one of these ways.
Take a nap, or go to bed early once a week.
Turn the thermostat down a few degrees, and wrap yourself in a soft blanket while you sit on the couch.
Get a facial or massage.
Stretch for five minutes at the start of your day.
Quality Time
Time is at the root of every love language, which is why so many of us struggle to show love to ourselves. We are overcommitted to other things we love, like our friends, kids, husbands, and careers. But setting aside distractions and making time for yourself is one of the most loving things you can do.
Read a book.
Ask that friend who always makes you smile to go for a walk.
Sit in nature by yourself and do what fills your soul.
Say no to an invitation when you’re at capacity (or before).
Words of Affirmation
I think this is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult of the five languages. It doesn’t cost any money, and it takes very little time to be kind to yourself with words, but many of us are victims of negative self-talk that works in opposition to showing love. Using words to love yourself is more than just reciting affirmations every morning, although that’s a great place to start!
Notice and praise what’s praiseworthy. If you made it through a tough assignment at work, tell yourself, “That took persistence and focus. Way to go!”
Make a playlist of songs that make you feel strong, worthy, and loved.
Keep a one-sentence journal where you write one thing you did well every day.
When someone pays you a compliment, simply say thank you.
This was such a fun conversation on the iMOM Podcast. Listen here to understand love languages and self-care in a different way. And subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
Which of these self-love languages feels the most loving to you?
