“I’m gonna feel so stupid,” my eighth grader said, dropping his head in his hands. I paced the living room, frustrated that he would fight me on this. Finally, I said, “Look. I can’t do algebra. You need to ask Mrs. S for help.” He groaned. I wanted to help him, but I couldn’t wrap my head around the Xs and Ys any longer. After getting over himself and sucking up his pride, he became a regular after school in Mrs. S’s classroom. Now he’s a ninth grader, and geometry started out rough with all those angles. “Mom,” he said. “I’m staying after for math help. Can you pick me up a little later?” I smiled to myself, grateful he’d gotten comfortable with asking for help.
Sometimes kids need to be taught to ask for help while for others, it comes naturally. Why is it important for kids to ask for help? Encouraging your child to ask for help will not only get him the assistance he needs, but he’ll gain 5 other incredible strengths.
1. Initiative
I didn’t want my daughter to miss her first-period science class, but she’d already volunteered to help deliver breakfast to teachers that morning. I reminded her that the last time she missed this class, she got a zero on an assignment. Later that week, I found out from the teacher that my daughter had emailed to ask what she missed and had also stopped by his class to follow up. I was thrilled she’d taken the initiative.
Why is it important for kids to ask for help? When we encourage our kids to ask for help, they get more comfortable talking to adults and eventually may learn that they don’t need our reminders. They’ll ask of their own initiative!
2. Humility
“If you don’t understand,” I said to my son, “ask questions in class.” He shook his head, saying he didn’t want to look dumb. “It’s OK to admit you don’t know everything. You’re learning. And if you don’t understand something, it’s wise to let the teacher know.”
Getting used to asking for help not only improved my son’s grade in class, but it helped him learn to be honest with himself about his abilities. Asking for help gives kids humility and perspective, two qualities that help a kid grow in character.
3. Connectedness
“No man is an island.” Have you heard this line? It means no one is self-sufficient all the time. We need others’ comfort and community to thrive. “Get someone’s number from class. And if you have homework questions, you can ask him. You could even study together for upcoming tests,” I told my son.
By asking a classmate for help, my son made a friend in class. Together, they struggled and sometimes commiserated. But in the end, they came out ahead. Asking for help from a peer, a teacher, or anyone else makes your child feel connected. And when a child knows he’s not alone in his need, he has the potential to thrive.
4. Vulnerability
When my dog rolls over and shows me her belly, I know she’s being vulnerable. She’s trusting that I’ll be gentle and that I won’t hurt her. How often do our kids show their vulnerable sides? When they ask for help, they’re essentially like my pup—exposing a side that isn’t normally on display, hoping they’ll be treated with kindness and care.
Whether it’s asking us or another grownup for help, sometimes kids don’t want to expose their undersides. They’re afraid of being laughed at or called stupid. It takes great courage to admit you need help. But by being vulnerable, kids strengthen their relationships and get what they need.
It takes great courage to admit you need help. Click To Tweet5. Insight Into His Potential
If you need help with something but don’t ask for it, the learning stops. Growth stops. When my son asked his nana for help with his tennis serve, she showed him a trick with his toss. My son’s abilities grew as he practiced his toss and his serve. He could’ve just said “I can’t serve” and quit. But he didn’t.
Why is it important for kids to ask for help? When your child asks for help, he learns what he’s capable of, and usually, it’s more than what he initially thought. That’s a learning mindset for life!
In your opinion, why is it important for kids to ask for help?
