For several years, I was a financial advisor. One of my favorite parts of the job was getting to know people. Sitting around kitchen tables, my clients would tell me all about their past successes and failures, future hopes and dreams, and current circumstances and struggles. When I could meet with both husband and wife, they’d make tons of progress toward meeting their goals. But in most situations, I would meet with only one, and usually, the other spouse didn’t even know about it. More often than I can remember, clients would say, “My spouse doesn’t know about this account and I want to keep it that way.” When I asked why, I always received the same answer: “I don’t trust him/her.” But hiding things in a relationship, especially a marriage, is never wise.
Without trust, marriage doesn’t work. Trust is the central ingredient to having a healthy marriage. Rather than hide things from each other, married couples need to work out their differences. This can be painful, but the alternative will lead to a shallow marriage at best, while at worst, it can have dire consequences. If you are hiding things from your husband, it’s time to share and confront the problem. Here are 5 things wives hide from their husbands that they shouldn’t.
Without trust, marriage doesn’t work. Trust is the central ingredient to having a healthy marriage. Click To Tweet1. Finances
Is his spending out of control? The passive way to handle it is to have a secret savings account, but then his dysfunction or your disagreements never get resolved. Maybe the situation is reversed and you are hiding debt or a spending habit.
Take action: Get everything out in the open. Financial irresponsibility is a major source of embarrassment and shame, but nothing ever changes until it is brought into the light of day. Relax—we’ve all been there. Sit down together, face it, lovingly talk it out, plan, and set boundaries.
2. Interactions With Men
If you feel the need to hide interactions with other men, that’s a sure sign there is something wrong. The question to answer is this: Why hide it? Does he get easily jealous? Do you have feelings for the other man? Concealing our relationships with men is a quick road to an affair and shows little respect for our husbands. Transparency and boundaries you both agree on are paramount to building trust and having a lasting marriage.
Take action: Talk through your boundaries so you can be on the same page. Then hold those boundaries. Be careful about the one-on-one interactions you have and never hide anything. The more information you can offer, the better. Full transparency is your friend.
3. When We’re Hurt
“I’m fine.” Have those words ever come out of your mouth, even though you’re not fine? It’s a lie. Whether you don’t want to start a fight or just don’t want him to know how you’re feeling, holding back what is going on inside will only create division. Nothing will ever change if he doesn’t know, and you will silently become bitter.
Take action: Share your feelings with your husband. If you are hurt by something he did or said, then say it. Use the words “I feel…” After you have communicated it, forgive and let go of your hurt.
4. Things Going on With the Kids
Sometimes kids are quicker to confide in one parent than the other. If your husband is more strict or easily loses his cool, you might be holding some secrets your kids have told you. But if there’s a big issue, your husband needs to know. By not telling him, you’re creating a division in your family and in his relationship with your children.
Take action: One of the benefits of marriage is having someone there to help us through struggles. Talk to your husband about why you or the kids don’t feel comfortable sharing things with him, but express that you want him to be involved.
5. Sexual Dissatisfaction
Are you stressed about your sex life? Is it causing you anxiety? When you do have sex, has it become boring and predictable? Many women are afraid to bring up sex with their husbands because of insecurities or a difference in sex drive. But disengaging from this conversation will only lead to loneliness and bitterness.
Take action: Talk about it. After you’ve talked about it, keep talking about it, even when it causes arguments. When you get stuck in disagreement, get help. Go to counseling. If counseling doesn’t work, then go to a different counselor. If the next counselor doesn’t work, find another one. The worst thing you can do is stop trying.
What are some other things you think women hide?
