- Lauren Dungy
- Shaunti Feldhahn
- Tim and Darcy Kimmel
- Betsy Landers
- Dr. Walt Larimore
- Mark Merrill
- Joanne Miller
- Dr. Gary J. Oliver
- Kathy Peel
- Dr. Greg Smalley
- Dr. Scott Turansky
- Jill Savage
Articles by Dr. Scott Turansky
- Why Firmness Doesn't Require Harshness
- Why Fair Doesn't Mean Equal
- What's Your Child's Personality Type?
- Time Out or Take a Break ?
- Three Factors to Remember About Character Training
- The Value of Generosity
- The Unmotivated Child
- The Secret to Prompt Obedience
- The Secret to Helping Children to Do What’s Right
- The Secret to Constructive Discipline
- Teaching Children about Sex
- Taking a Break vs. Time Out
- Strong-willed Kids
- Some Suggestions for Dealing with Attention Deficit Disorder
- More Than Obedience
- How to Stop the Whining and Complaining
- How to Make Parenting Shifts
- How to Bookmark the Good Days in Parenting
- How to Avoid the Boxing Ring with Your Kids
- Honor one another – even your brothers and sisters!
- Honor Lessons
- Honor favor #9: Adopting others
- Honor favor #8: Helping others in conflict
- Honor favor #7: Speech
- Honor favor #6: Prayer
- Honor favor #5: Generosity
- Honor favor #4: Service
- Honor favor #3: Ministry
- Honor favor #2: Hospitality
- Honor favor #1: Modeling
- Honor Changes People
- Helping Children Deal with Their Anger
- Gratitude or Overindulgence?
- Emotions are Complex Tools for Communication
- Discipline - Run the Parenting Race
- Defibrillating Your Child's Heart
- Dealing With Anger in Children
- Character Training Step 6: Follow-up – Continue to Work on Solutions
- Character Training Step 5 Motivation – Inspire Change
- Character Training Step 4: Treatment – Provide Instructions for Working on the Solution
- Character Training Step 3: Solution – Name and Define Each Solution
- Character Training Step 2: How to Diagnose Strengths and Weaknesses
- Character Training Step 1: Observation – Recognize the Problem
- Character Training – A Systematic Approach
- Behavior: Getting to the Heart of It
- Attitudes – Bad to Good
- Affirming Effort Toward Right Behavior
- A Work In Progress
- 8 ways to prepare your children for dealing with tragedy
- 7 Ways to Teach Self-Control
Dr. Scott TuranskyDr. Scott Turansky offers moms practical, real-life advice for many of parenting’s greatest challenges. read bio
Teaching Children about Sex
We need to talk to you about sex. Kids today are learning more information faster than ever before, so fast it's scary. And without some good teaching on this subject they are in for a difficult time in their lives.
If you aren't talking to your kids about sex then you're the only one who isn't. They're hearing about it on TV, in music, at school, from friends, and through advertisements of every kind. But parents find this one of the most difficult subjects to address with their kids.
There are three reasons parents don't talk to their kids about sex. First, they're too embarrassed. Second, they don't know how. And third... they're too embarrassed.
Here are 4 questions that will help guide your parenting decisions when it comes to sex education in your family.
How early do we start talking to our kids about sex?
Recognizing that children are at different stages of maturity, it's important to discuss sex and related issues in a way that's appropriate for a child's age and development. Parents set an open atmosphere with their kids by talking even with preschoolers about differences between boys and girls, privacy, and God's design for families. This open dialogue answers a child's question only as far as they need to know but teaches kids that they can talk to their parents about these issues and that differences are part of God's design.
As children move into the elementary years it's good to talk more about biology and the growth of a baby inside of a mother and that God designed the process of pregnancy and birth.
By preadolescence it's important to talk about intercourse, privacy, the biology of pregnancy, and sex within the confines of a marriage relationship. It's also important to talk to kids about how to relate to the opposite sex. Differences are fun but need to be handled carefully.
During adolescence it's important to keep an open dialogue with your kids about sexual intimacy, biology, and reproduction. Although kids are often hesitant to talk with their parents about this subject during the teen years, parents can do a lot to initiate an open dialogue with their teens.
What are the areas we should talk about?
Although the material you cover is partly determined by the child's age and interest, here are some basic things you want to consider as you talk with your children.
First, use the correct anatomical terms for body parts.
Second, talk about social relationships between boys and girls. You want to encourage healthy dialogue between guys and gals within limits. The reality is that girls and boys think and act differently and that makes for interesting interaction. That's not only okay. It's good.
However, sometimes the interaction turns into flirting and experimentation. Privacy, sexual jokes, teasing, and touching games are part of the social interaction you'll want to discuss. Be careful about your own teasing in the area of relationships. Young people can become quite sensitive and self-conscious. You'll want to be honoring and affirming as you talk about this sensitive subject.
Third, talk about values that influence sexual decisions and God's design and plan for marriage, sex, and family. It's important for children of all ages to realize that living within God's guidelines for sexual purity produces the healthiest and strongest marriage relationships and avoids many emotional problems that come with sexual promiscuity.
What if my child has shown an early interest in sex?
Sometimes children touch themselves or experiment and explore with other children, exposing themselves to more information and experience than you'd like or that is helpful for them.
An increased exposure or interest in sex at an early age is important to address. Here are some guidelines. By all means, keep your fear and anger in check. You can do more damage to your relationship with your children by your intensity than by the experimentation itself. You want to set firm limits without making kids feel ashamed or guilty about their own sexual interests and desires.
Be firm in setting limits with kids regarding their involvement with other children. Kids need to know that sexual exploration is not acceptable. When children engage in sexual stimulation at a young age, work to distract them, keep them busy, and gently encourage them away from that activity.
Children who use privacy to explore sexuality need less alone time. Keep them in common areas and in places where you can keep an eye on them. Children who have a greater interest generally need more discussions and teaching about sexual issues.
Which parent should do the talking to our kids?
Some people believe that dads should talk to their sons and that mothers should talk to their daughters about sexual issues. It's important, however, that both dads and moms have significant discussions with their kids. The reality is that men think differently than women. When a mom talks to her son about sex she'll emphasize different things and have a different perspective on the subject than a dad will.
Likewise, when a dad talks to his daughter about sex he'll approach it differently. Furthermore, when sexual issues become more important and correction is required you want to have both parents involved. Also, the reality in most families is that children often gravitate to one parent over the other as the parent they confide in. This isn't wrong. It's a reality. So, who does the talking may be determined by the unique family dynamic.
Imagine your unmarried daughter pregnant at 17 or your unmarried son fathering a child. You want to have done everything you can now to prevent that. Recognizing that your kids are in danger in our sex-crazed society will fuel your desire to overcome any personal issues and allow you to be proactive in this area with your kids.
Used with permission from Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.
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