I didn’t acknowledge the disappointed look on his face. It just didn’t register until later. I was on my fifth consecutive night of watching The Crown. All day I had been looking forward to watching the next episode. Yes, it’s that good! The moment after we put the kids down I practically ran to the TV. What I didn’t realize was that my husband had been wanting to connect with me all week. To make matters worse he had had a horrible day and looked forward to sharing it with me, but I was too focused on my show. He gracefully told me to enjoy it and said he was tired and headed to bed. When I went to bed later and saw him laying there our exchange played again in my mind. When I pressed him the next morning, he finally admitted his disappointment and told me about his bad day.
I do realize that my husband is a big boy and doesn’t need my attention all of the time. But he is my partner in life and there are many days I am guilty of pushing him away. Pushing people away can happen unintentionally. You may not push your husband away intentionally, but there are 10 things you might be doing that are keeping him at a distance.
1. Computer Time
Shopping, gaming, chatting, emailing, working, couponing, downloading, blogging, reading, researching, networking—there are a ton of things to do on the computer! I don’t care what they say, for me, it is a time sucker, not saver!
It doesn’t even matter what’s on (though The Crown is amazing). The addictive glow of our screens is enough to induce a trance and shut out the rest of the world. If it’s your preferred method of pushing your husband away, then get a TV timer.
The addictive glow of our TV screens is enough to induce a trance and shut out the rest of the world.
3. Phone Conversations
Ladies, we sure do like to talk! I’m definitely guilty of this one. My sister lives around the corner from me; I talk to her several times a day, and see her pretty much every day. Sometimes my husband will notice that I’m talking to her again and make a comment like, “What could you possibly still have to talk about?” Ouch! It’s time to step away from the phone!
Women are natural social coordinators. We keep the parties, classes, trips, events, and practices scheduled to the tee! All of those plans can occasionally make life hectic. Most men enjoy some downtime at home. It’s their haven. Schedule some time each day that will allow the family to unwind. Each week make sure that you’ve blocked some time for you all to hang out together at home. Resist the urge to invite anyone else over too.
5. Quiet-less House
This one is a stark contrast to the hyper-scheduling wife/mom. Toddlers and young kids waking up in the middle of the night should be the exception, not the norm. In my home when several hours go by without peace (aka dinner time), I can feel my shoulders tense and my forehead wrinkle with stress. If it were like this all day my husband and I would both be attention-starved! Work to create a restful home for at least a portion of the day.
Be it a clean house, germ phobia, paranoia, hoarding, eating, or even exercising. The things we obsess over will bump our husbands from their rightful spot as first on the priority list. Identify it, and seek professional help.
7. Body language
You’re thinking it, your body’s showing it, and they’re getting the hint: It’s not gonna happen tonight. It’s okay to say no or not be in the mood from time to time, but it shouldn’t be the norm. If it is, stop hunching your shoulders, take off that old t-shirt, and throw on some lip gloss and a smile because somebody loves you!
8. Shopping Frivolity
This one is not just about pushing your husband away, financial discord is a marriage killer. If he’s a saver and you’re a spender, get some guidance on how to live and love on a budget. And keep your word. If you have a budget, stick to it. If you’re running up to the store for one quick thing, be back at the agreed upon time instead of wandering the mall in an effort to escape your life at home.
9. Making a List
Do you keep a constant running tab in your mind of your husband’s mistakes or wrong choices? We know it’s hard to let them go. But eventually, that list of wrongs will move quickly to a list of resentments, then to bitterness—which will lead you to a very unhappy life, an unhappy marriage, and an ugly divorce. Incorporate forgiveness immediately.
10. Your kids.
At almost the exact moment our perfect little bundle arrives, we’ve forgotten how they got there. Remember, they were born because two people (you and your husband) fell in love. Your husband was first.
Tell us! Which of these is the most difficult to overcome?