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4 Types of Tattletales

Few things wear me down faster than chronic tattletales in the house. I see enough on my own. I don’t need a second set of eyes and a quick tongue shouting to me to intercede in everything that rubs her the wrong way. It’s exhausting.

Do you have a tattletale in your family? Not all tattling is created equal or stems from the same motivation. Identifying what causes your child to want to tattle can help you correct the behavior. Here are 4 types of tattlers and the best way to respond to them.

Identifying what causes your child to want to tattle can help you correct the behavior. Click To Tweet

1. The Fear-Based Tattler

This is the child who worries (often the oldest) and thinks that any breaking of “the rules” will undoubtedly result in danger. Take it easy on this type of tattler—his heart is probably in the right place! He needs help to discern what represents a real risk that you should know about, and what he can afford to overlook in other children.

The treatment: Walk through lots of what-if scenarios with your fearful tattler to demonstrate what Mom needs to know and what she doesn’t. For instance, other kids playing with matches or dangerous chemicals—definitely tell Mom. Other kids not putting away their playdough—not a good idea, but not likely to result in significant injury.

2. The Jealous Tattler

This child is envious of her sibling or friends and wants to “level the playing field” by having an adult call down or discipline the other child. The jealous tattler will make a mountain out of a molehill for the express purpose of having something to tell, hoping that the resulting discipline will subdue the child who intimidates her and give her a feeling of superiority.

The treatment: Get past the tattling and deal with the real problem: jealousy. Help your child recognize jealousy in her own motivations and call it what it is. Only then will she be able to resist the urge to act on it, whether that comes in the form of tattling or something worse.

3. The Malicious Tattler

This child gets real joy out of others’ misfortunes and will go to great lengths—even making up things to tattle—to see another child suffer the misfortune of discipline or a lost privilege.

The treatment: This type of tattling is the most concerning because it suggests a real problem in your child’s heart. If your malicious tattler is prone to inventing bad deeds that others have supposedly done to get them in trouble, it’s also a problem of dishonesty. Talk with your child about how wrong his anger and dishonesty are, and peel back the layers to see what’s causing these negative emotions.

4. The Bossy Tattler

This is a child who wants everyone to follow the rules, her rules, whether or not they’re endorsed by Mom and Dad. When others don’t get in line and let her run the show, she goes to Mommy for backup.

The treatment: Remind your bossy tattler that the only rules that matter in this house are the ones you’ve set, and you don’t need her help in expanding the list. Show her that friends and siblings of similar age don’t want to be pressured always to do things her way—sometimes they want to call the shots, too! The art of give-and-take isn’t easy, but she can learn.

How do you deal with tattletales in your house?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

How do you feel when someone tattles on you?

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