I saw a story on social media about a single mom who had a financial emergency last year that depleted her savings. Soon after, she had to pay for an unexpected home repair. She was approved for a short-term loan to complete the home repair, but the monthly repayment caused her to struggle financially. This led to anxiety, insomnia, and panic attacks, and the stress took a toll on her relationship with her child. She didn’t have any help from her child’s father, so she had to figure out how to make it through this setback on her own.
A setback for a single mom is a different kind of burden than it is for a married mom because the single mom goes through it alone. If that’s you, know it’s possible to get back on your feet. Here are 5 ways single moms can bounce back after a setback.
1. Adjust your goals.
I had a conversation with a single mom who had to leave college to work full-time after separating from her children’s father. Fifteen years later, after building a successful career, she went back to school to complete her degree with a full scholarship.
Sometimes we have goals we want to achieve within a certain time. However, a setback may require us to adjust our goals, including when and how we do the things we want to accomplish. And don’t forget to look at your daily achievements, like healthy eating, paying a bill on time, or making a difficult phone call. Even if your big goals need to be adjusted, you might find you’re knocking out little goals multiple times a day.
2. Take action even when you don’t feel like it.
I pulled the blinds shut to make my room as dark as possible and curled up in the corner and cried. I didn’t want to get up because I didn’t know how I was going to move forward after the father of my twins walked out. Then, one day I had to attend a meeting even though I didn’t feel like it. I did it anyway, and when it went better than I expected, I learned I don’t have to feel completely healed or upbeat before deciding to take a step forward.
After you experience a setback, there will be moments when you want to stay where you are, cry, and not move forward. Take action anyway. It doesn’t have to be a big step. Keep repeating until you’ve regained your motivation and can do bigger things.
3. Focus on what you can control vs what you can’t.
My friend went on a family vacation one year, and the airline lost her luggage. When she realized it wasn’t coming, she filed the paperwork to make a claim and then continued with the vacation and wore a family friend’s clothes instead. She couldn’t control the lost luggage, but she could control her response to it. Because of her response, her family ended up having an amazing time.
Focusing on everything going wrong can be a natural response to a setback. But you have to stop and focus on what you can control. Our response to setbacks determines our future outcome—good or bad.
Our response to setbacks determines our future outcome—good or bad. Click To Tweet4. Adjust your budget.
I spoke to a mom one day, and she told me she had an unexpected vet expense. Her dog ate something he shouldn’t have and had expensive emergency surgery. She was able to pay the money from savings, but that isn’t always the case for unexpected expenses.
An unexpected expense can be stressful and overwhelming. Reassessing your budget can help you to create a plan to move forward. Look for areas where you can pull money from another budgeted expense, cut spending, or increase your income.
5. Reassess who is part of your support system.
At the last minute, a friend’s sitter canceled without explanation, and my friend couldn’t go to work. After repeated disappointments, my friend wanted to stop asking for help. But she also knew she couldn’t do everything alone.
It’s hard when people promise to be there but aren’t. Instead of doing everything alone, reassess who is in your support system. This can mean better vetting, boundaries, or choosing people whose values and communication styles match your own.
What setbacks have you encountered? How did you overcome them?
