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5 Things Boys Learn From Their Moms

My friend Annie has the neatest relationship with her 12-year-old son, Asher. When Annie showed up for our girls’ night out, looking stylish as ever, she gave her son credit. “Ash picked out my earrings!” I love that she pulls him into her room and asks for his opinion on her outfits. It’s not a typical “boy thing,” but it’s a sweet bonding moment for them, and he’s actually got a really good eye. It also has taught Asher how to give kind feedback to a woman, which will come in handy down the road!

What sons learn from their mothers is distinct in helping them discover who they are in relation to women and how to connect to women now and in the future. You’re the one your son needs in ways others can’t provide. Here are 5 things you have the privilege of teaching your son.

1. His Value

They start out as kids saying, “Mom, watch me do a flip!” And when they’re older, they tell you random stories about school. Every time you looked at your son and said, “That was cool!” he grew in confidence. Our sons need to know we’re paying attention and interested in them. They need to hear affirmations that tell them their worth isn’t tied to their performance at school, their looks, or their stats on the field. What sons learn from their mothers is that they have value simply because they’re our boys.

2. How to Relate to and Treat a Womanhow to treat girls

Yes, their father’s example is important, but boys can learn what is and is not acceptable by how you allow them to treat you. Make sure you have healthy boundaries for yourself and point out disrespect specifically. Instead of just “That’s disrespectful,” use “I feel” statements like, “When you said my hips were fat, I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable.”

When opportunities come up, talk to them about what women need from men. If you share with them how you think and feel about things, they’ll naturally start to understand more about how women tick. This free printable, 5 Things Moms Must Teach Their Sons About How to Treat Girls, is a great visual tool.

3. Healthy Physical Touch

A boy also needs regular hugs and gentle touches from his mom. He needs to know to be gentle in return. Often, boys only know touch through roughhousing or sexual activity. What sons learn from their mothers is how to express love physically but in a nonsexual way.

Touch from you not only benefits our boys in future relationships, but it also helps them connect better to people now. One study conducted at the University of Notre Dame found that children whose mothers often hugged them when they were upset were more concerned and caring toward others. So sit close to your son, tousle his hair, and give a loving squeeze on his arm now and then—and lots of hugs.

4. Trust and Confidence

Insecurity and comparison tell your son he’s inadequate. But knowing Mom believes in him undergirds him to try when he’s scared and try again when he fails. When you don’t give up on your son, he is less likely to give up on himself. He will want to work harder and do better because you believe he can do it.

On the other hand, if he knows you don’t trust that he can fight his battles, he’ll fear them and either shut down or rebel. When he makes mistakes, tell him you love him no matter what. Remind him of who he is and that he can overcome anything.

5. Emotional Intelligence

Women tend to relate to others more emotionally than men do. Therefore, moms have the unique ability to help their sons develop emotional intelligence. A great way to do this is by bringing their attention to their expressions of emotion. A good question would be, “I can see that you’re sad/angry/hurting about something. Can you tell me what happened that led you to feel that way?”

Moms can draw attention to the feelings of others around their sons by saying, “How do you think your brother feels about not being allowed to play with you and your friend?” Asking him feelings-related questions helps him develop his vocabulary of feelings and the skill of being empathetic toward the needs of others.

What are some other things boys learn from their moms? Tell us something you’re proud to have taught your boy.

ASK YOUR CHILD...

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