My friend Sarah and I headed out for an early morning walk. The air felt fresh and new. “Tell me about your upcoming trip,” I said. Sarah had booked a cruise for her husband and teen daughter, but invited their daughter’s friend along too. Sarah shrugged. “It’ll be fun for Eva to have Maddy with us. They’re like sisters.” I glanced at Sarah, but her eyes, hidden behind oversized sunglasses, told me nothing. “I don’t want Eva to be bored,” she continued as we strode through a crosswalk. “And I’m sure she’d rather have a friend to talk to than hang out with her parents all week.” She gave a little laugh, but it sounded like one of those mom lies we sometimes tell ourselves. I waited for her to say something more, but she changed the subject. I thought about that conversation later and wondered what my friend really thought about a fourth member on their family vacation.
As our kids get bigger and start looking more adult, their interests change. But that doesn’t mean they’re done with us! Here are 7 lies we tell ourselves about our teens and why we shouldn’t believe them.
1. He doesn’t care if I’m there.
He may not admit it to you, but he does care if you’re in the auditorium watching him play his violin or in the stands as he goes for the tackle. Last Friday night, I showed up for the football game and sat near the marching band. When the kids headed down the bleachers for the halftime show, I got the feeling my son saw me but wouldn’t look my way. However, in the third quarter, he glanced over, trombone in hand, and gave a quick wave. My heart melted.
2. She’d rather spend the day with her friends.
Friends are important, but she wants time with you too. So insist on it even if she gripes. You only have a short amount of time to work on your relationship and build a stockpile of memories before she grows up and moves out. And she values your opinion of her more than you think. Kids of all ages want to hear their parents are proud of them, even if they don’t show it (or understand it themselves).
3. I embarrass him.
Maybe. But good moms don’t have to be cool in the “wears a leather jacket” kind of way. A good mom is allowed to be a little embarrassing because she loves her child. And when your son comes off the field, holding back tears after a tough loss, a hug from his mom is still going to feel like much-needed comfort, even if he’ll never admit it.
4. She wishes she had another mom.
Maybe your daughter said this once to be hurtful, or maybe she just wants a mom who’ll let her stay out past curfew. But you’re the one who always has a hug for her and dries her tears when she’s sad. You’ve bandaged her scraped knees and fixed little bows in her hair. And through it all, you’ve believed in her, shown up for her, and been the fixture in her life she can always count on. You’re the one who holds a very special place in her heart, and no one can replace that.
5. He doesn’t listen to me anyway.
Half the time, I’m not sure if my son’s really listening to what I’m saying. But then I see him tucking in his shirt or buckling down to do his homework right after school. That’s when I’m struck by the realization he truly does listen to and care about what I have to say. If you doubt this, think about your own parents when you were a teen. You might not have been willing to admit it, but you thought about what they said, didn’t you? It’s the same for your teen.
6. She’d rather take her friends’ advice.
Your daughter might prefer her friends’ advice because it’s more fun, but she knows your advice comes from a place of wisdom, experience, and the deepest of all loves. When the real problems of life pop up, you’ll be the one she seeks out for advice. So don’t hold back. Let her know you’re a safe place to land when things get tough.
7. He doesn’t need me anymore.
This is the biggest of all the lies moms tell themselves. But the truth is, your child still needs you to listen when he wants to talk and show him he has value, even when the world screams otherwise. He needs more hugs than you might think too. In the teen years, he’s still growing in mind and spirit. So make him laugh, encourage his faith in God, and make family memories together while you can. The ways he needs you might look different from when he was little, but underneath that tough exterior, he’s still your little boy who will always need your love.
Mom lies can seep into our thoughts when we least expect them. Have you had to push back on any of these?
