There’s school time. Then lessons or practice. Dinnertime. Maybe a little TV time. Bedtime. Then it’s time to wake up and do it all again. Many of us find comfort in having structure. I know I do. With predictability comes a little less stress. And with structure in your child’s day, there’s less room for sibling squabbles. (At least, that’s my thought.) But what if all this structuring isn’t the ideal way for kids to spend their days? What if we could offer them more time to build resilience along with their imaginations?
If you like to structure your child’s day like I do, let’s take a step back. Our kids might just benefit from other ways of spending those hours after school. Because we want the best for our kids, we might need to put 3 different “times” on their calendar.
1. Playtime
A lot of us think that packing our kids’ days with various activities is what good moms do. We keep them busy. We introduce them to new things. We think, I need to help my kids figure out what they like and what they’re good at. But some of the best play isn’t structured.
Playtime that is unstructured and is self-directed is so good for kids. Free play gives children the time to learn more about themselves and develop skills for life. They learn how to “make decisions, solve problems, exert self-control, and follow rules,” says pediatrician Ester Entin. Plus, they have fun. Spending time with friends and, in the process, learning about themselves can be the basis of childhood memories.
What to do: Dr. Entin suggests we try to back off from so many supervised activities, hover less on the playground, and let kids have more free, imaginative, kid-directed play.
2. Downtime
Like playtime, downtime gives kids a break from hurrying from one activity to another. Laura Hlavaty, PhD says, “Kids find it difficult to know what to do in unstructured times, especially when there are no screens. They struggle to sit still, relax and unwind….” We don’t always have to entertain them! It’s good for our kids to get a little bored. “Studies show kids that have regular downtime are more creative, focused, energized, independent, can self-soothe and solve problems in innovative ways,” Dr. Hlavaty says.
What to do: Schedule your child’s day by including downtime. You might work it in right after school or following dinner. Dr. Hlavaty says, “It’s your child’s time to do what they want, relax and unwind from a busy day.” Try 15 to 20 minutes for younger kids and an hour for older kids.
3. Family Time
The third “time” to work into your child’s schedule is just as important as the others. “Family time creates a sense of connection and belonging,” says nonprofit Challenge Success. When kids are part of a family that spends time together, they feel safe, supported, and loved unconditionally. This boosts their self-esteem and can also impact their school performance!
What to do: Spending time together as a family doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be a trip to the park, a walk in the neighborhood, or a round of Go Fish or Uno a few times per week. Fit it in where you can, and enjoy each other’s company. Quality time together to laugh, share stories, and connect is what matters. And making the effort to spend time together will shape your child’s memories for a lifetime.
How do you structure your child’s day? Do you try to incorporate these three things?
