“Up and at ’em!” I called, grabbing the lump of my son’s foot beneath his covers and shaking it a little. “Rise and shine!” He groaned. “Don’t wanna go,” he mumbled. I peeled back the edge of the covers and ruffled his hair. “C’mon, buddy, you can do it. It’s a brand-new day.” I forced cheer into my voice, trying to cajole him out of bed and into his school clothes. But small as he was, he wrestled the covers away from me and burrowed deeper, telling me to go away, he wanted to sleep, and—no surprise here—he hated school.
Sigh. It happens every so often to just about every child, and it can certainly raise a mom’s stress level. So, if your child hates school or just likes to whine about going, you might want to try these 5 approaches.
1. Connect with your child, and validate his feelings.
First, a page from my life and what not to do: “C’mon, buddy, school’s your job right now. Stop whining. It’s not that bad.” If you want your kid to bury himself deeper in his covers, give it a try!
It’s easy to slip into this type of talk, especially when you feel rushed. But a better approach is to go to him and connect: “I get it, kiddo. You’re not feeling it today. School can be hard and not always fun. I remember wanting to stay home when I was little too.” Instead of using reason (“You can’t miss the math lesson today!”), seek understanding. He’ll feel like you’re with him instead of against him and might be more willing to open up about why he hates school.
2. Ask questions to get to the root of the problem.
Most children have an off day, but if it’s happening regularly and your child refuses to get dressed and go, it’s time to figure out why. How are things going with your friends? What subjects are fun right now? Parenting expert Tanith Carey suggests thinking about these issues: Has he gotten in trouble at school? Is he worried about leaving you or jealous of a younger sibling who gets to stay home?
Connect with your child’s classroom teacher to find out more. If your child gets tummy aches or other physical symptoms, it could be that she’s worried about something and feels safer at home. Getting to the bottom of the problem will help you find the best solution.
3. Explore coping strategies.
Kids might feel stressed at school for various reasons. Maybe they get nervous about tests, finding a partner in gym, or locating a friend at lunch. These are everyday stressors that are a normal part of growing up. But if the stress gets out of hand, it can certainly make her not want to go to school! So, learning how to handle these situations is important.
Give your child a few key statements to say to herself when she’s feeling overwhelmed. Also, you can work with your child at home on stress relief activities. If she gains the confidence she needs to get through these situations on her own, she’ll grow more confident and maybe come to like school more too.
4. Connect their school lessons to their interests.
Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis suggests connecting your child’s interests and knowledge base to what she’s learning in school so that she looks forward to going. Willis says you can make a link between school lessons and “looking at photos or videos of family trips, objects they own that were made in countries they study, or reading favorite stories that relate to topics in science, history, and math.” Doing these things at home can spark curiosity about what kids are studying in school and help them feel more connected and interested in the lessons.
Is your child up for a challenge? Print out our 10-Day You Can Do It Chart to see if he can go 10 days without complaining about going to school.
5. Advocate for your child.
If your child hates schools and you’ve determined the reason is a learning difficulty, a bullying issue, and/or anxiety, you will need help from the school and probably outside resources as well. Sometimes, as parents, we think our kids can overcome certain challenges if they just “toughen up.” But for issues like these, kids probably need a teacher who can step in when needed and possibly a therapist to work with your child to combat her fears. Going to bat for your child doesn’t make you a helicopter mom but a mom who cares about her kid’s physical and mental well-being. Don’t be afraid to get the help you and your child both need for her to thrive.
Do you have a child who hates school? What strategies have worked for you?
