My friend Sara teaches ninth grade, and she told me her school is experiencing problems with kids vaping. “And what’s worse,” she said, “the kids are putting THC in the vapes, which doesn’t create a smell at all. So, they’re coming to class high.” Though teens might think they’re just experimenting or messing around, there are long-term effects of using marijuana. According to the CDC, marijuana “may affect how the brain builds connections for functions like attention, memory, and learning.” And its effects “may last a long time or even be permanent.” That’s scary! And it’s why we need to set boundaries for our kids and hold them accountable.
It’s natural for teens to push back against parental control, but the truth is even though they look grown up, they still lack good judgment during this big period of growth and development. Setting boundaries for teens is necessary. Here are 4 ways to protect our teens.
1. Know that not all teens mature at the same age.
One of the most common mistakes parents make with their teens is assuming that age means everything. Even among siblings, one child may be far more mature at 16 than another. Make decisions about the freedoms and independence your child is allowed to have based upon her demonstrated maturity—not the calendar, and not what her friends of the same age are allowed to do.
2. Don’t be afraid to break the norm.
Just because most of your teen’s friends go on dates alone doesn’t mean he has to as well. If you feel that group dates are the better option for your child, go with your instincts. If a particular night of the week has been set aside for family time, don’t be afraid to say no when your teen asks to engage in other activities. Maybe the all-night after-prom party is a local tradition, but you see it as a fast track to disaster for your kid. Do what you know is best. Sure, other teens and even other parents will accuse you of being too restrictive or even backward, but you know that setting boundaries for your child is important. Prioritize your convictions and values over acceptance.
3. Be assured that it is your business.
Some pop psychologists might lobby for your teen’s right to privacy, but it’s also important for moms to know what’s happening in their teens’ lives. We’re not suggesting you hover and eavesdrop like the CIA. But keeping tabs on where they are, who they’re with, and what’s taking place in their digital lives is part of being a caring parent.
4. Understand that they still want your protection.
Teens will probably never say it. And really, they may not even fully realize it themselves. But even teens are grateful you’re still there to protect them. Sometimes being able to say to peers that “my stupid parents won’t let me” is a huge relief. Teens still get scared at times or are unsure about things. And they don’t know how to get out of something without looking bad in front of their friends. Do them a favor and play the role of the bad cop. Setting boundaries is what you do to protect your kid. And it gives them the perfect out when they need it.
What is the hardest part of setting and holding boundaries with your teen?
