“Lucas is in an aggressive kissing phase that I never want to end,” said my friend Hayley about her 9-month-old son. She also confessed she finds herself feeling sad about how quickly he’s growing and changing. I understood. Those years went by in the blink of an eye, albeit a very blurry eye.
They’re blurry because you’re exhausted but also because everything’s new, kinda like your first day on a college campus. It feels ginormous, and you know where like two buildings are, but after a few weeks, everything comes into focus. In the life of your child, a few weeks is a long time. If you want a clearer focus now, here are 5 ideas—some practical and one that’s more big picture—for how to be more present with your toddler or baby.
4 Practical Ideas for How to Be More Present With Your Toddler or Baby
Write it down.
Write something (anything!) down that happened that day or that week. You can use a cute journal, but if your phone is usually within reach, the journal app is super convenient. What socks did she wear? The little pink ones that look like ballet slippers or the green ones that have froggy eyes? What did he do for the first time? Eat avocado? Sing along to Ants Go Marching?
Knowing you’re going to jot a quick note at some point in the day (yes, it can be during a three-minute bathroom trip), will naturally make you pay closer attention and be present in more of those everyday moments.
Put your phone in its place.
Some of my most precious memories are with my son in his dimly lit room after a bath—his wet hair perfectly combed, a fresh diaper, and cozy jammies all buttoned up. It wasn’t easy to ignore the world for another read through Little Blue Truck, but putting my phone out of sight helped.
Pick a sacred time of day, and set a boundary with your phone. Tell it, “Nothing you can do is more important than this time with my child, so you can stay right here. See ya later.”
Simplify meal time.
My friend LeAnna said, “We eat takeout way too much, but it’s allowed me to focus more on the baby.” She’s got the right idea. Look at how you could simplify meals. The crockpot and takeout are your friends and both have healthy options. Paper plates will save you cleanup time. Remember, this isn’t forever. You’ll eat at your dining room table again someday, but that’s not the season you’re in right now, and that’s OK.
Give yourself 10 minutes.
The next person to tell me to wake up early to have “me time” before the kids get up is getting socked with my pillow. That’s not appealing to me now, and it wasn’t what worked for me when my kids were babies and toddlers. But finding 10 minutes in your day to do what satisfies you will help get your thoughts in order. When your mind isn’t elsewhere, you can be more present with your child.
So let your next door neighbor play with your kiddo in the yard or have him watch a show from his pack and play. For that short time, sit quietly in another room and take deep breaths, check your email, call a friend, or drink a cup of coffee on your patio.
And 1 Big Idea for How to Be More Present With Your Toddler or Baby
See your children as an investment.
iMOM’s founder, Susan Merrill, wrote in her book The Passionate Mom that every mom has to ask herself three questions: What are your core beliefs? What is your goal for your child? How will you work to reach your goal? What she’s talking about is parenting with intention.
What helps me parent with intention is to see my children as investments. Of course, they have innate value right now, but every bit of eye contact, every tickle or boop on the nose, every story time was a deposit. Being present with your child is an investment in their self-worth and well-being. Remind yourself of that, and I think those moments will come more frequently and with greater joy.
What do you do to try to be more present? What’s your biggest distraction right now?
