The other day, I got a text from my young adult son who lives out of state. “I’m fishing from a dock with some friends. It reminds me of when you used to take me to fish. That was sweet of you.” My heart melted. Those fishing “trips” were nothing special. We’re not talking a fishing trip to the Bahamas. I just drove his 8-year-old, gangly self across a busy highway so he could stand in a parking lot and cast his line into a not-so-scenic canal. But small things for a little kid feel like big things to our kids when they get older—those things are what makes you a good parent in their eyes.
They might not say much about the small things now, but when they grow up and look back, they’ll have a brand-new perspective of what you did for them. And they just might tell you about it. Here are 5 things to hope your kids will say to you someday.
1. Thank you, Mom.
When you hear this, you’ll pinch yourself and puff up with pride—not the “look at me” kind of pride, but the kind where you humbly accept that giving of yourself for all those years actually did make an impact. Today, you may feel like your kids don’t even notice all you do for them, but one day, they will appreciate you.
2. My childhood was good.
When I attended my daughter’s college graduation this year, she thanked my husband and me for giving her a stable childhood. She said she was able to work hard in college because she “didn’t have much to worry about.” That made me pause because my children’s home life was not always tension-free. But I can say my husband and I worked to have a peaceful home where our children could feel secure.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect for your kids to have a good childhood. You don’t have to take big vacations or wear the best clothes. You don’t have to shield them from all the tough stuff. What makes you a good parent in their eyes is that they feel loved and secure.
3. Remember when…
“Remember when you took us crabbing at night at the beach? Remember when you let us put our heads out the window as we drove up the mountain?” Your kids will remember bright spots from their childhood when they grow up. So when you ask yourself, “Will my kids ever appreciate me and all I try to do for them?” Please know that they will.
One way to build positive memories is to have traditions. Here are some ideas for Christmas and some to incorporate into the school year.
4. Why didn’t you…
This one might sound like a negative, but it’s actually a positive. One of my children recently asked, “Why didn’t you make me choose a different instrument in band—something that I could play for the rest of my life?” Even with the gift of time and perspective, our kids won’t always understand why we did what we did. So, “Why didn’t you?” is an opportunity to explain some of your parenting decisions and why you made them.
5. You need to…
Get ready for it. One day your child will tell you in a caring way what you need to do. A friend of mine told me that her young adult daughter called her and said, “Mom, you need to eat some soup tonight and just relax.” Yep, one day your kids might tell you to eat soup!
My daughter recently gave me life advice. Even though I didn’t agree with it, I knew that caring about my well being was a way for her to show her appreciation for me. While your kids are still under your roof, lay the groundwork for open dialogue by giving them permission to ask you questions and share their opinions with you, even if their opinions differ.
What do you hope to hear from your kids?
