Thanks to my years of work in early childhood, I felt fully prepared for parenting up to age 12. After that, I knew I was stepping into the parenting tundra of teenagerhood with zero clues on navigating that territory. (My leftover Blue’s Clues did not prove useful.) And, since my mother passed away long before I became a mom, I sought out other been-there-done-that women to give me sage advice.
But the truth is, in the teen years, we all need a little advice from seasoned moms to help us along the way. Being a mom is hard. Moms need other moms to tell each other it’s going to be OK, advise us when it’s not, and help us see all the ways we’re crushing it. Let these wise words for moms during the teen years remind you of 7 reasons why the teen years might be your best parenting season yet.
1. You can trust the values you’ve instilled in your teenager to guide her in making wise choices.
You’ve spent years teaching your child cornerstone character traits, how to be a good friend, how to pick good ones, and other values you hold dear. Let’s not forget how you’ve cultivated a strong bond with your daughter or son. And, while you haven’t launched your child yet, the teen years usher in growing independence and autonomy. These years are kinda like an internship to adulthood. Trust the solid foundation you gave her and her heart connection with you.
2. You are a source of unwavering love and support for your teenager.
Do you remember how, as a toddler, your child would save the biggest meltdowns for you? It’s because he felt safest with you. The teen years might bring on some epic meltdowns, too. Hold him steady in his storm with the anchor of your love. Keep telling him you love him with your words, actions, and time. You and your home are his soft place to land.
3. You can choose to be resilient in the face of teenage rebellion.
At times, your teen may try to push you away like it’s her job. In a way, it is. During adolescence, it’s perfectly normal for your teen to exhibit some rebellious behavior—it’s a vital part of her development as she explores her identity, asserts her independence, and tests out her values. While it can be challenging and emotionally painful, remember this is a natural process. Stay the course.
4. You are the perfect mom for your child, but that doesn’t mean you’re expected to be perfect.
Chances are you’ve heard this one a lot already. It’s made the rounds on social media, and it crops up in cards for Mother’s Day, too. But, during the teen years, you’ll forget it, and it’s not the perimenopause brain fog, either. Nope. It’s just your old friend, Imposter Syndrome, standing like Debbie Downer. But, Mom, you’re going to make mistakes during the teen years. We all do. And, when you slip, tell yourself the same thing you say to your kid when he messes up: We all make mistakes. Everything will be OK.Â
5. You are doing your best.
You really are. Even on the days when you don’t feel like it. Even in the moments when you yell back instead of staying calm. Even when you say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or miss a red flag in your teen that seems so obvious in hindsight. You’re still learning on the job as a mom. So, give yourself some grace.
6. You are capable of staying calm even when your teenager loses it.
Mom, it’s possible. It might mean you walk away to get yourself together. It might mean you count to 10 or 10,000. It might mean you go to your happy place when your teen acts like you ruined her life by telling her to empty the dishwasher. It might mean you shield your heart from all the disrespectful words thrown at you. The point is: You can build up your practice of not getting pulled into your teen’s riptide of emotion where you’ll both drown. And if you do go under, remember number 5. (And model how to apologize.)
7. You aren’t the only one struggling (and neither is your teen).
During the early years of motherhood, we tend to share our parenting stories with each other like candy being thrown from a parade float. Then the tween and teen years hit. And the crowds disperse, and the conversation quiets down. We retreat to our homes and limit our parenting stories to glossy images on social media or whispered words that skip over the details to protect our teens or to hide our disappointment, feelings of inadequacy, or misguided shame. If you remember any of these wise words for moms, remember these: We’re all still struggling (moms AND kids). Check in on other moms of teens, and you’ll soon realize we’re all still figuring it out, one day at a time.
Have you heard any wise words for moms that have stuck with you through the years?
