Of course, we want our kids to be happy! But happiness is often fleeting. Just ask the kid who finally got a turn on the swings at recess, only to hear the teacher say it’s time to go inside. Ironically, the more we chase after happiness, the more elusive it can become, often leading to stress and anxiety.
But here’s the twist: Raising a happy child doesn’t actually involve focusing on happiness at all! Instead, research shows that the key lies in raising a certain kind of kid equipped with specific attributes to handle life’s ups and downs. Here are the 5 strong character traits that can help you raise a child with a deep (and lasting) sense of well-being.
1. A Confident Kid
A confident kid believes in who he is and what he can do. He’s more likely to speak up for himself, try new things, and bounce back from setbacks. And, although your child isn’t a teen yet, those years are coming, and building up confidence now matters later. A study published in Psychological Reports found that teens with high self-esteem are more likely to be motivated and that motivation in turn boosts their happiness.
What’s a mom to do? Start by providing plenty of opportunities for your child to make age-appropriate decisions and solve problems independently. For example, let him ask the teacher for help rather than having you email her. Or coach him on how to make amends with a friend instead of texting the friend’s mom to fix the friendship together. Also, create a safe space for him to express his feelings and ideas without judgment. And build up his self-esteem with positive affirmations.
2. A Grateful Kid
Expressing heartfelt gratitude teaches kids to appreciate what they have, encourages contentment, and reduces feelings of entitlement. Plus, research presented at an American Psychological Association event shows that during their teen years, kids who measured higher on gratitude felt more happy and hopeful about their lives than their peers.
What’s a mom to do? Create family rituals around gratitude, like sharing something you’re thankful for at dinner time or saying a prayer at bedtime. Encourage your child to keep a gratitude journal or create a family gratitude jar. Teach her to write thank-you notes, record thank-you videos, or draw thank-you pictures. And let her hear you express thanks to your husband, the Starbucks barista, and even that driver who let you merge into his lane. (She already hears what you say when he doesn’t.)
3. A Kind Kid
“Be nice to your sister.”
“Try saying that again, but use your kind words this time.”
“Just because you’re frustrated doesn’t make it OK to act mean.”
These are common statements moms say to kids all the time as we teach them to be kind. We know showing kindness is one of those strong character traits our kids need for healthy friendships and other relationships. Research shows they feel happier, too, including in the classroom.
What’s a mom to do? Point out when you see your child choosing kindness, such as sharing her favorite toy with
her brother, helping you without asking, or inviting another kid to play on the playground. Use the Good Character Traits: Kindness printable to give her positive reinforcement, which leads to repeated behavior.
4. A Self-Compassionate Kid
In a culture that emphasizes perfectionism, it’s important to teach kids to treat themselves kindly. Self-compassionate kids are more resilient during tough times, have healthier self-esteem, and are less likely to experience anxiety and depression. Plus, a growing body of research, including a study published in Psychology Reports, shows that self-compassion leads to happiness.
What’s a mom to do? Start by modeling self-compassion. Show your kid how to respond to personal mistakes or failures with grace. Teach your child to talk about and treat herself as she would a friend. Guide her in reframing negative self-talk into more compassionate, realistic statements.
5. A Persevering Kid
Persevering kids are more likely to overcome obstacles, achieve their goals, and develop a growth mindset. But, perseverance also significantly reduces depression, anxiety, panic, and other mental disorders in adulthood, according to a long-term study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
What’s a mom to do? Encourage your child to set challenging but achievable goals broken down into manageable steps. When she faces obstacles, resist the urge to remove them for her. This can send the message that she isn’t capable (or that you think she isn’t). Instead, coach her to try different strategies by asking questions such as “What else could you try?” “How have you dealt with similar problems?”
What strong character traits do you think will lead to a happy life?
