I met my friend Laura thanks to a British Earl. Well, technically, we’d already exchanged a few sentences when she and her young family moved to Georgia. That’s when I learned about her Florida roots and her dislike of the cold. But, when our temps dipped below freezing, Earl Grey made us “friendship official” when I taped a note and a bag of his namesake tea to her door. Later, she told me how that small gesture helped her feel less isolated as a stay-at-home mom.
As moms, some days we are the Lauras who feel the weight of mom loneliness. And other days, we’re the ones shining a little light of friendship and support. And, honestly, on other days, we’re both. If you struggle with mom loneliness, we see you. Find relief by learning how to fight loneliness as a mom with these 6 small but mighty actions.
1. Recognize you aren’t alone in feeling loneliness.
Feeling lonely or isolated as a mom doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It’s actually a common experience women report. At some point in motherhood, two-thirds of women from all backgrounds and stages of parenting struggle with how to fight loneliness as a mom. By recognizing that your feelings are normal and widely shared, you can start to shed the guilt and shame you may be carrying about it. And, Mom, loneliness doesn’t diminish your love for your child or your capabilities as a mom either. It simply means you’re human, trying to wade through a new role or a season without a clear roadmap.
But, if you feel like the loneliness you’re experiencing could be post-partum depression or another mental health issue, please reach out to your doctor or connect with a licensed professional counselor.
2. Talk about it honestly.
When we feel lonely, sometimes our response can be to isolate even more and distort the feeling into a core belief about our identity. We might start believing that “maybe I’m just not good at making friends,” “I don’t fit in with other moms,” or “no one will relate to my struggles.” But those thoughts aren’t the truth.
In reality, many women find that once they start opening up, others readily share similar struggles. So, talk with another mom or your husband about how you feel. Based on the above statistic, 2 out of 3 of your mom friends feel lonely, too. Being vulnerable often leads to deeper, more authentic friendships. There’s strength in honestly sharing your struggles, and you help yourself and potentially another mom who might be silently struggling.
3. Take advantage of your child’s routine.
Sometimes how to fight mom loneliness can be as simple as connecting with the mothers you already see weekly thanks to your child’s schedule. That’s one trick that worked for me! Every Wednesday, I took my preschoolers to our local library for free story time. They loved the story and craft time, and I loved talking to the same moms. I didn’t even know all their names, but I knew their struggles with potty training and naptimes. (And they knew mine.) Somehow, those brief 15-minute chats made me feel seen and understood—and a lot less alone.
Think about your child’s schedule. Where do you go together when you might run into the same moms each time? The soccer field? The dance class lobby? The church nursery drop-off? The bus stop? In those moments, fight the urge to scroll through your phone and instead talk to another mom. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself with a stronger support network, making those lonely moments fewer and farther between.
4. Create space to care for your needs, too.
Motherhood takes a lot out of you. In the early years, our children need so much from us all the time. But, the emotional and spiritual guidance our tweens and teens need can be equally taxing. Just ask the mom whose teen decides to share his deepest struggle and needs advice at 11 p.m.! No matter what season of parenting you’re in, you’re more than your child’s mom. Wrapping up your entire identity in motherhood can compound mom loneliness, especially as our children gain more independence.
Make time for you. Join a class or group that sounds interesting, whether it’s a book club, pilates class, or guitar lessons. (You’ve always wanted to learn how to play!) Or schedule a standing coffee date with a friend or a FaceTime with your out-of-state bestie. Or, hey, invite your husband on a date for a change! These regular social touchpoints give you something to look forward to and strengthen your support team.
5. Be brave and make a new best friend.
Some friends don’t make the leap with you into motherhood, and that hurts. But, Mom, it’s also perfectly normal, especially if your priorities and schedules no longer align. And while “make a new friend” might sound like something you’d say to your child on the first day of school, it’s also good advice for you, too. So, you know that mom you casually talk to every week at your child’s thing (see #3!)? Put on your big girl pants and be bold. Follow through with her when you both say, “We should hang out sometime.”
6. Help another mom.
Remember my friend Laura and that little spot of tea? Well, while my gesture helped her feel less lonely, it boosted my well-being, too. Sometimes, the best way to fight loneliness is by reaching out to another mom who might feel the same. A simple text or invitation for coffee (or tea!) can brighten both of your days. We all need all the support we can get. Start by posting a response to our reader question and then text another mom just to check in.
How do you fight mom loneliness?
