“Break that,” a mom points to her coffee cup sitting on the table between her and her grown son who has hit rock bottom. “Go on, break it,” she gently demands again. Confused, he picks up the coffee cup and drops it on the floor. She gathers up the pieces and sets them on the table between them. “Is that you right now?” she asks. “It’s me too. It’s all of us. But, honey, your mistakes don’t define you. How you heal does, OK? So get to work.” She knows what raising resilient children requires.
This scene from The Unbreakable Boy, a movie releasing February 21, really hit me. As parents, we want nothing more than to protect our children from hardship, no matter what age they are. But the greatest gift we can give them isn’t a life free from struggles. It’s the gift this mother is still giving her grown son—the tools and encouragement to navigate the hard times life throws our way and to do it with resilience. Here are 5 ways we can build resilience in our kids right now to serve them for a lifetime.
1. Foster a growth mindset.
Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist, coined the term “growth mindset” to describe the belief that abilities and intelligence can develop through effort and perseverance. When kids see challenges as opportunities to learn rather than as barriers, they develop resilience.
Try this: If you’re set on raising resilient children, let your kids struggle a little before stepping in. If they get frustrated with a puzzle, resist the urge to help right away. Give them time to problem-solve and see they are capable. Then, instead of telling them they’re smart, say “I love how hard you worked on that.” Praise the process, not just the outcome.
2. Encourage healthy risk-taking.
When kids are stressing out about a situation or a challenge, it might be tempting to let them avoid it. However, children build confidence by taking small risks. When we let them avoid the risk out of fear, their brains get the message they can’t do it, and the anxiety remains or grows.
Try this: Encourage your kids to take small risks, whether trying out for the school play, riding a bike without training wheels, or speaking up in class. Then, help them build coping skills that lead to resilience by inviting them to think about what they can tell themselves when they get nervous about the risk.
3. Teach emotional regulation.
Resilience isn’t about ignoring emotions; it’s about learning how to manage them. Teach your child that feelings—frustration, sadness, disappointment—are normal, but how we handle them matters.
When children learn to manage feelings effectively, they are better equipped with the resilience to handle life’s ups and downs.
Try this: Model deep breathing when your child is upset. Say, “I can see you’re frustrated. Let’s take a deep breath together and figure it out.”
4. Normalize failure and perseverance.
Many kids fear failure because they believe it defines them. But failure is just feedback—it shows us what we need to work on next.
If you are raising children who struggle with a fear of failure, they likely tend to build up negative outcomes in their mind to such an extent it paralyzes them from taking action.
Try this: Go there with your kids and play out their worst fears. “OK, so what if you fail, what will happen? And then what will happen?” Follow this trail until you get to the heart of what they really fear. This will shine a light on some “threats” that are imaginary and get to the root of their fear so you can speak truth into the deepest parts of your kids’ hearts.
5. Build a support system.
A strong support system—loving parents, mentors, friends—plays a critical role in resilience. Studies show that children who feel emotionally supported are more likely to bounce back from adversity.
Try this: Create an environment where your kids feel safe to talk about their struggles. Whether it’s through bedtime chats, journaling, or a special one-on-one time, let them know you’re always in their corner.
Resilience is more than just a buzzword—it’s a lifelong skill that will help our kids navigate challenges with courage, faith, and an unbreakable spirit. As parents, these five tools for raising resilient children will help us so, like the mom in The Unbreakable Boy, we can give our kids the beautiful gift of being able to pick themselves back up in life, no matter how many times it takes.
What’s one way you’re helping your child build resilience?
