As a kid, I loved sleepovers at my friend Debbie’s house. But one night, as I stared into the darkness, she explained all she knew about how babies were made. I was 8. We didn’t have the internet back then, so we didn’t get online and verify her facts. But can you imagine? Today, it’s different. When our kids have sleepovers and playdates, screens are often involved. And that can be dangerous if your rules aren’t the same as a friend’s parents. Our children aren’t always going to be with us, so teaching internet safety and keeping kids safe online is more important than ever.
We’re not always going to be around to oversee what our children are doing online. But we can teach kids internet safety and equip them with the knowledge to make good choices. Here are 5 things you can do to protect your kids online when they’re not with you.
1. Be the person who speaks the truth to your child.
Whether it’s naming the correct body parts or talking about sex, having these (sometimes awkward) conversations with your child will ensure they get the right information and set a precedent for everything that follows. At some point, your child will hear about sex from friends or see certain images online. It’s better for our kids if we get ahead of these conversations. Child online safety advocate John Van Arnam agrees: “It is important now more than ever that parents talk to their children about all the difficult conversations: avoiding explicit content online, sexting, grooming and human trafficking.”
We can build a trusting and honest relationship with our kids if we have the courage to sit down and talk with them. It probably won’t be easy, but it’ll send the message that they can come to us for anything.
2. Prepare your child’s heart and mind.
We can’t control what others do and what they might say to our kids. But we can prepare our children’s hearts and minds for what to do if they’re exposed to dangerous or traumatic online content. After you’ve had the talk with your child, explaining what they could stumble across online, teach them that though it might pique their curiosity, it’s not something they want to invite into their lives. Reading about or viewing pornographic content can invite a lifelong struggle they do not want to battle.
Teach your child to shield her eyes and either walk away from or shut down any content that’s sexual in nature or feels wrong. Prepare your child ahead of time for this moment so she knows what to do. You don’t want to scare them but give them the truth: that viewing this sort of content can be damaging.
3. Have the difficult conversation with the other adult.
It could be your child’s friend’s parent, or it could be Grandma. But if you let your child spend time at another person’s house—especially for a sleepover when inhibitions are lower—you must have the conversation that begins with rules about phones, iPads, and laptops. Van Arnam equates online dangers with drinking and smoking. We never used to ask about alcohol or cigarettes, but now we have to be ready to bring it up before we put our kids in someone else’s care.
4. Be ready to say no or leave.
If you don’t feel confident that another parent, or even Grandma, can abide by your rules, don’t leave your kids at her house. A friend told me her 3-year-old watched unfiltered YouTube at his grandma’s house all afternoon. He came home with questions about what he’d seen. Likewise, if your child’s friend’s parent seems reluctant to lock up her child’s laptop for the night, you might have to make the tough call of telling your child he can’t spend the night at that home.
These things aren’t easy to do! But protecting our kids’ eyes and hearts is essential. As Dr. Lisa Damour said on her podcast, viewing a single pornographic image can be “traumatizing” for a child. And she doesn’t use that word lightly. Let’s not gamble with our children’s innocence.
5. Set clear boundaries with your kids.
Even good kids will test boundaries. But it’s important for them to know the consequences if they do. My friend’s daughter Annabel is a great teen. But she was able to use her mom’s phone to remove the parental controls on her own phone and watch music videos. When my friend found out, Annabel lost her phone for a week. My friend said Annabel took the news better than expected because “she knew the boundary and broke it anyway. She didn’t think I was serious. But she’s learning I am.”
We want to keep our kids safe online, but it means being consistent with our boundaries and rules. It also means having these tough conversations more than once. Our kids are worth it.
What can you do to teach internet safety to kids?
