When my children were little, around 4 and 2, I had a part-time job that felt like a full-time job. It seemed there was always something I should be doing to meet a deadline, even at my children’s bedtime. Looking back, I remember that as I tucked them in and read to them, I would be thinking, “I’ve got to wrap this up so I can get back to work.”
I felt too overwhelmed to figure out a way to protect this time with my children. So there were many nights that I missed out on making this routine moment matter, much less magical. Even if you don’t have a job tugging at you to get your attention, it’s easy to let other things pull us away from our children. So, if you’re wondering how to connect with your kids in life’s everyday moments, take a look at these 3 ideas.
1. Morning Greeting
As moms, we set the tone for our children’s day. So if you’re wondering how to connect with your kids in the morning, consider doing something very simple: Stop. Slow. Smile. Stop before you walk into their room. Slow down if you’re feeling frantic and want to rush in, throw open the blinds, and tell them to get up. Finally, a smile can help to “create a loving and supportive environment, making everyone feel more secure and accepted,” according to St. Louis Children’s Hospital. If your children are older, be sure to smile at them, too, even if they don’t smile back, and also use these seven positive ways to get them moving in the morning.
Add the magic. On days when you can manage it, there are easy ways to add magic to the everyday morning routine with kids. On Fridays, leave a little affirmation note rolled up at their place at breakfast (here are some affirmations for teens). If you’re running late and they’re eating breakfast in the car, tape it in front of their seat so they’ll see it. To make it even sweeter, add in one tiny piece of candy. Midweek, do a “Wednesday walk” out to the car. Walk like robots, dancers, backward, or on tiptoes. Let the kids take turns coming up with the theme.
2. Midday Reconnection
If the morning sets the tone for the day, positively reconnecting with kids after school sets the tone for the evening. Whether that happens in the car or when they walk through the door at home, there are some ways to make these everyday moments matter. And, as you might have expected, the prep starts with you. Most importantly, disconnect. Hide your phone in the glove compartment before the kids get in the car, even if you usually drive with your phone mounted on the console. No checking your phone at stoplights. No “quick call.” Just full connection with your kids so you can really tune into how they’re doing. Instead of letting them use a device on the way home or right after school, have a snack for them and a fun audiobook they’re hooked on. Take a look at four more things moms can do to connect with their kids after school. One other quick thing you can do with little and big kids is to have an after-school catchphrase like, “There she is!” when you see your child. She might think it’s corny as he gets older, but she’ll kind of secretly like it. Also, check out the High, Low, Buffalo after-school game.
Add the magic. Spotlight day! Choose a day of the week to shine the spotlight on your child. Give him 10 minutes or so to sing a song, tell you a story, or talk about his day. If you have more than one child, let siblings shine a spotlight by saying one nice thing about their sister or brother. Random surprises can add some magic. Out of the blue, say, “We’re getting frozen yogurt!” Or, “Let’s go see that cute little puppy our neighbors brought home.”
3. Bedtime Bonding
There is a great beauty in calmly and joyfully connecting with our children at bedtime and sending them off to sleep feeling loved and cared for. To get the most out of bedtime bonding with kids, consider that Penn State researchers found that children who “followed a consistent bedtime routine and fell asleep at the same time each night displayed better control of their emotions and behavior.” And when kids are more emotionally calm, bedtime can be a bonding opportunity rather than a battle for them to go to sleep.
Of course, if you’re exhausted, bedtime might feel like one more must-do. But “[b]edtime is when everything slows down, and often, it’s when the good stuff comes out.” You can still reconnect at bedtime with your older kids too. Always stop by their room to hug them and say goodnight. Extend your stay by straightening their room or asking a question. Then, if they start talking, sit on their bed, listen, and soak it all in.
Add the magic: Before your child gets into bed, hide something under the sheets–a new book, a note saying that “Tomorrow we’re going to the zoo,” or a blank sheet of paper and one crayon for both of you to draw a funny face. You can even hide something silly like a pot, an old hat, or something related to the book you’ll be reading that night. Create a goodnight handshake that can grow more complicated as your kids get older. Make sure it ends with a kiss!
The real “magic” for all of these everyday moments comes from them becoming touchstones over time. So choose your favorites and make them a part of reconnecting with your child.
During what part of the day do you feel most connected to your child?
