My sister and I slid into the booth across from our parents and opened matching menus. We liked to look them over, but we always ordered the same thing. So did my parents. As the four of us sat in the booth, we all leaned in. “How was your test today?” my mom asked me. “How was the mile run in gym?” my dad asked next. We caught up on our days and our sports practices, and then we planned for the weekend ahead.
Growing up, my family went out to eat fairly frequently, but not at fancy places. I didn’t realize it at the time, but these evenings forced us to slow down and talk to each other. No one could escape after polishing off a meal in five minutes. Time spent driving to dinner, eating, and driving home with my family fostered a big connection with my parents in my busy teen years. A common misconception about teens is that they think hanging out with family is lame. But the truth is, I loved it! Adults have some false beliefs about teen life, but they may not be as dangerous as the misconceptions teens have about themselves. Here are 5 false beliefs teens may have about being a teenager.
1. Top grades are the only ticket to success.
“I need an A on this test!” my son wailed one night as he struggled with his Algebra homework. “I’m never going to succeed in life if I get a C!” What? I thought. But it was no time to reason. For now, he needed help with his assignment and then a good dinner. Later, I’d tell him about the friend who’d gone to a big-name college only to abandon his engineering degree and become a personal chef. And the son of a friend who went to a local college and then started his own coffee business. We need to take pressure off our kids, not add to it, so they can find their passion, not just a good grade.
2. Everyone tries drugs, drinks, and lights up at least once.
Not true, but some kids believe it. Though the numbers are higher than what we’d like to see, according to a 2021 report by the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics, one in eight teenagers abused an illicit substance in the last year. That is clearly not everyone. By graduation, over the course of four years, approximately half of all students had abused alcohol or drugs at least once. Still, not everyone. That means it’s certainly not a right of passage for kids.
3. You need a boyfriend/girlfriend before college.
My nephew is tight-lipped about his interest in girls, but our guess is that he was pressured into having a girlfriend by his friends. In our family, we downplay dating. Unless the kids bring up a love interest, we don’t make it a big deal. By downplaying this issue, and letting your kids know it’s OK to wait until college to date, you’re taking one more stressor off your child—at least at home.
4. Cell phones are a teen’s right.
“Everyone has a phone,” my son lamented. “Why can’t I?” At 14, we don’t think he needs one. So much exists on the internet that I don’t want to expose him to. My friend Jamie feels the same way and hasn’t given one to her son either. “Christopher walks home with his best friend and they talk the whole way,” she said. “He’s getting all his socializing in on the walk.” If you don’t think your child needs one, don’t let societal pressure change your mind. Not every teen has—or needs—a cellphone.
Not every teen has—or needs—a cellphone. Click To Tweet5. The more friends you have, the happier you’ll be.
When I was in middle school, my friend Krista told me I was her best friend. “But so is Katie. And Rebecca. And Janis.” I couldn’t believe it. “You have four best friends?” She nodded. Oddly enough, Krista and I soon fell out of touch. But Rebecca and I hung out all the time. Krista thought she had to have a lot of “best friends,” but I learned that one true friend was far better. (And these days, I’d stress one true friend as opposed to oodles of online “friends.”) This is what I want my children to know as well: Happiness comes from having one or two friends who really understand your heart.
Moms, life is different from what our teens think. Our kids might believe being a teenager should look a certain way, but these things are not inevitable, and you have the power to exert your influence over your child now while he or she lives under your roof.
What other things have you heard about being a teenager that are probably not true?
