A couple I know has a son who lived and breathed baseball. As his skills improved each year, the boy’s parents outfitted him with top-notch equipment, including several pricey bats and a high-end fielder’s glove. His mom and dad took turns driving him to training camps and faraway travel games year-round and even hired a hitting coach to fine-tune their son’s swing. They put a lot of time and money into their kid’s passion! When college scouts started popping up at his games, his parents thought they’d finally cash in on a sports scholarship. But then, the summer before his junior year, their son told them something they never expected to hear: “I wanna quit baseball.”
No mom wants to encourage her child to quit. Usually, we want our kids to stick with their commitments and learn from experiences. But sometimes, we need to stop and listen to our kids and what they’re feeling. If you approach the topic carefully and with discernment when your kid wants to quit something, you might actually realize she has these 6 positive attributes.
1. She knows what she wants.
Scarlet, a very tall girl in my daughter’s class, played volleyball and basketball for the school’s team. But she told my daughter her heart flipped when she spotted the first school play poster taped to the auditorium door. She wanted to act! So when volleyball season ended, she decided not to try out for basketball even though all her sporty friends wanted her on their team. Scarlet realized she liked being on a stage more than on a court.
Sometimes, quitting puts a child’s true passions into focus. There are kids—adults too!—who try to do it all because they fear the repercussions of quitting. But kids like Scarlet, who discover what they truly want, end up enjoying how they spend their time better. Following your heart like that sometimes takes a lot of courage.
2. He’s able to assert himself.
Even though I thought the previous six months of tae kwon do had gone well, my son said he didn’t enjoy memorizing all the coordinated steps and punches. “It stresses me out because I have a lot of other things to memorize at school,” he said. I was glad he could tell me how he really felt!
For a child, quitting something that makes him miserable and being able to take back control of his life can be empowering. As counselor and author Phyllis Fagell says, “Persistence and grit are important, but walking away might help kids lead happier and healthier lives.”
For a child, quitting something that makes him miserable and being able to take back control of his life can be empowering. Click To Tweet3. She accepts herself.
As a kid, I played soccer for a few summers, but my foot skills didn’t impress anybody. Even though my friends played, I realized I did my team no good, and I dropped it. The next year, I joined a softball league. I ended up playing throughout high school and was so glad I quit soccer to discover something I loved.
A child who’s able to shift gears is often a child who accepts who she is. She’s willing to make peace with her abilities and pivot to find something else that better suits her.
4. He’s not a people pleaser.
Whether it’s you, his dad, his coach, or his friends, a kid who quits something isn’t worried about pleasing others. Instead, he’s doing what’s right for him and has the guts to say so.
The better option for your child is to figure out what really motivates him and what he hopes to accomplish, says Fagell.
5. She doesn’t have FOMO.
Livy, a girl on my daughter’s robotics team, recently decided the team wasn’t for her. “It took too much time,” she said. My daughter told her, “But you’re going to miss our trip to the amusement park!” Livy just shrugged, as if to say it’s still not worth it.
For a child, quitting can be particularly tough. But Livy had her priorities straight. Sticking with something out of fear of missing out on one day of fun isn’t the right reason to stay.
6. He understands his limits and can make tough choices.
Sometimes kids join something that looks fun but realize later it’s not a good fit. As Rachel Simmons writes in her book Enough as She Is, “Adolescence is a period marked by difficult transitions, and the choice to change course, drop out, and, yes, quit—with the right support and reflection—can be a spectacularly brave act of self-respect.”
Even though our society tends to have a bias against a child quitting, it can be the right choice, especially if your child makes the decision himself. Sara Keenan says in KCParent that kids “will be more likely to try new things if they know that they will be allowed to make a thoughtful decision about whether to continue them.” Being able to stand up for oneself and make tough choices is a skill all of us could work to improve—so why not encourage it when our kids are young?
We want our kids to learn how to finish what they’ve started, so quitting isn’t always the best choice. Listen to your child and talk it through before making a decision. In the end, we want what’s best for the child.
What are your thoughts on a child quitting something?
