I watched in awe as the bride’s grandparents swirled around on the dance floor. I thought my favorite couple at the wedding would be my friend (the bride) and her new husband, but no one could top the two octogenarians swaying to an Ed Sheeran song. When Grandpa gave Grandma a gentle pat on the butt as the song ended, I thought, “Couple goals!”
We all want to still be in love, and maybe a little frisky, when we’re old and wrinkled, but that’s not the only relationship goal to set to have a happy marriage. These 17 couple goals will make life better today and give you many happy tomorrows.
Fun Couple Goals
1. Commit to following the rule of one.
Hitting “couple goals” status requires that you make your marriage a priority. A simple way to do that is by following the rule of one. That’s committing as a couple to one night in per week, one night out per month, and one weekend away per year. It’s not easy, but it will ensure you and your husband make time to invest in each other.
2. Be an adventurous duo.
Push each other to be spontaneous. Try an activity you’ve never done. Take a dance class. Dine on all the ethnic cuisines in your town. There’s more to adventure than skydiving, so talk about what piques your interest and go for it!
3. Travel together.
It’s easy to make excuses for not traveling. It costs money. It can be uncomfortable. You can’t get away from work. But travel is a powerful way to bond as a couple. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Travel Research found strong evidence that as couples vacation together, their need for stability and emotional bonding as well as their need for change and novelty are better met. Book that trip! It’s worth it.
4. Come up with a holiday tradition for just the two of you.
When the kids leave home, will you be left with unfestive holidays? Remedy this by making traditions for just you and your husband to do for each holiday even while the kids are still around. It can be small, like watching the Boston Pops Fireworks Show on the 4th of July with a glass of wine or getting a couples’ pic on Santa’s lap.
Couple Goals for Finances
5. Get on a budget.
It ain’t fun, but it’s a goal that will improve life in many ways. Getting on a budget can lead to more financial peace, open dialogue about spending, and a plan for your future.
6. Give full disclosure.
Happy couples don’t have secrets. No hiding shopping bags in the trunk! Decide together the dollar amount you can spend without consulting each other, or take the recommendation of Financial Peace University, and add a “blow category” to your budget that gives you both a stash to blow on whatever you want each month.
7. Trust one another.
I’m working on this couple goal in my own marriage. He’s the spender, I’m the saver, and he handles our budget. When I wince at a purchase he wants to make, he asks if I trust that he’s managing our money well and that he won’t be irresponsible. Trusting that your spouse is as invested in your financial future as you are can help you breathe easy. This trust builds as you discuss your finances, show self-control, and agree on purchases.
Couple Goals for Emotional and Physical Intimacy
8. Have a special language.
In place of “good,” my friend and her husband say “goo.” “Dinner was goo, honey!” They get a kick out of their secret language, and I think it’s cute, too! Having code words or your own “goo” can bond you and your husband and make you feel like a team.
9. Reach the fourth stage.
This might be the ultimate goal of all the couple goals. This stage of a relationship is called “awakening to joy.” You reach it by loving and accepting your husband just as he is and vice versa. You have confidence that your spouse’s commitment is solid and that brings peace and joy.
10. Learn each other’s love language.
There’s a reason Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages is so popular. Knowing how you and your husband communicate love breaks down barriers to giving and receiving it.
11. Love each other’s bodies.
Loving is different from desiring or using. Imagine reaching this couple goal—you don’t see the flaws of an extra pound here or a wrinkle there; you help each other through the aches and pains of aging; and you treat sex as an extension of your emotions and not a means to an end.
Couple Goals for Communication
12. Learn how to fight fair.
Even if you’re in the assisted living facility and using walkers to get to the dining room, you’re probably still going to have the occasional squabble with your husband. Conflict is a natural part of relationships, and learning to fight fair can help conflict lead to growth instead of distance.
13. Choose each other over your phones.
Have you heard of phubbing? Phubbing is snubbing the person you’re with and paying attention to your phone instead. A study out of Baylor University found that overuse of cell phones led to less satisfaction in relationships. Turn off notifications. Your spouse is more important.
14. Learn each other’s apology language.
“I said I was sorry!” you say.
“You didn’t mean it!’ he replies.
If you’ve ever felt like you offered an apology but your husband wasn’t satisfied with it, it’s possible you speak different apology languages. Just like everyone speaks a love language, Dr. Gary Chapman also found that people speak an apology language. Learn yours and your husband’s for better conflict resolution.
Couple Goals for Health
15. Be honest about unhealthy habits.
Honesty requires both giving and accepting the truth. Do you feel like he’s drinking too much or that you need to cut back? Do you worry about his heart or your stress level? Talk about it, and commit to getting healthy together.
16. Encourage each other instead of criticizing.
You and your husband should be each other’s biggest supporters. Sometimes it’s hard not to be critical when setting goals, but aim for a five-to-one ratio of positive comments over negative. That’s what relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found to be the “magic ratio” for happy, stable relationships.
17. Walk after dinner.
According to research, just two minutes of walking after eating helps control blood sugar levels. So start small. The kids and the dog can come, too! Continue this habit after the kids move out, and you and your husband will be the cute old couple that takes nightly strolls. #couplegoals!
What other couple goals would you add to the list?
