My friend Carrie became a widow when her son was two. Now, three years later, she feels ready to date and made Friday dinner plans with a guy she’d met through a mutual friend. The night of the date, I eagerly awaited her call. Ten o’clock rolled around and I still hadn’t heard from her, so I reached out. “So, how’d it go?”
“We didn’t go out,” she said. “I got stuck at work. Then, when I picked Luke up from daycare, he had a fever. I’ve been on the couch all night. I love my son and our life, but I’m feeling stuck, like there’s no way life will work out so I can be truly happy.”
My heart hurt for Carrie. And while her situation might be unique, feeling stuck is pretty common. Some moms feel trapped in their jobs, in neverending piles of laundry, in their marriages. If that’s ever been you, here’s something you need to know.
You’re allowed to feel that way.
We’re all restless, and I’m convinced that on this side of heaven, we won’t ever feel true contentment. That’s why we constantly search. We look for it in nature, friendships, romance, and hobbies. We occasionally get a taste, but it’s fleeting, so we go searching for more.
As I walk the aisles of the grocery store and pick up the same cereal and the same carton of eggs I do week after week, I often wonder if I’m missing something. I immediately feel guilty for not appreciating the fact that I have money to buy groceries and my life is blessed with mouths to feed. Yet that feeling doesn’t go away. The repetition of life, especially life as a mom, can make even a grateful person occasionally feel stuck.
But you’re not a victim.
Carrie lost her husband to cancer, she can’t say no to her boss when he asks her to stay late, and her kid gets sick! She can’t catch a break, even for one night to go on a date. It sure seems like she’s a victim. But so many moms tend to fall into the self-destructive mindset that life is happening to them and they have no choice but to accept it. But that’s not the case.
It’s like standing outside in different kinds of weather. It might be windy, sunny, raining, or snowing. Those elements are real, there’s no denying it, but we don’t have to stand there and experience them all the same way. We can open an umbrella, pull our hair back into a bun, stand in the shade, put on a heavy coat, or check a weather app and see when the storm is going to pass. We can’t control what’s happening around us, but we can control how we respond and that makes all the difference.
We can’t control what's happening around us, but we can control how we respond and that makes all the difference. Click To TweetSo make a change.
Before you storm into your boss’s office and shout, “I’m not a victim! I quit!” let me say this. External change can help you feel unstuck, but if you don’t make internal adjustments, you’ll quickly find yourself back, knee-deep in the mire.
Start by letting go of false beliefs, like “motherhood should always be fulfilling.” Once you’ve worked on that, try to stop comparing your life to others. Comparison is the thief of joy. Then, ask yourself where you have an opportunity to bloom where you’re planted. Blooming takes action, but it has the potential to produce something beautiful.
Are you feeling stuck? Do you think you’re a victim or could you find a way to make a change?
