In the weeks leading up to my wedding, I packed my tiny, single-girl apartment, box by box, and shipped everything across the country to my new husband’s apartment. I remember how much time and effort it took to find and fill moving boxes and then unload them after our honeymoon. I’m happy we don’t have another big move planned in our near future. However…
These days, little moves might be more important for you and your husband to grow closer in marriage, moves that tell each other you’re still in love. If you think you might be drifting apart, try fitting in one or two of these 5 marriage moves to bring you closer—no change of address necessary.
1. Move WITH each other.
If you’re feeling out of sync and want to know how to grow closer in marriage, what you might need is to spend more time together. Moving with each other could mean taking care of a chore together: “You wash, I’ll dry.” It’ll put you together, making it easier to talk.
Lately, my husband and I have done the grocery shopping together after we drop off the kids at swim practice. Filling our cart under the bright white grocery store lights may not sound romantic in the traditional sense, but I enjoy discussing the meals we’ll eat in the days ahead and being alone with him. Try working out together, running errands, or walking the dog. Moving with each other will help you both get back in step.
2. Move INTO each other’s space.
Maybe you’ve been married a while and those hot hands have now cooled. If you’re drifting in different directions, being intentional with touch is so important. On days when my husband and I both work from home, I make an effort to touch his back or give him a kiss every time I walk past him. I even told him my plan. He surprised me by doing the same thing when he walked past me.
Forget personal space for a bit and make some moves on your husband. Sit next to him on the couch. Snuggle closer in bed. It may take more effort on your part, but it’ll bring you closer together in a way he may not be able to help but reciprocate.
Forget personal space for a bit and make some moves on your husband. Click To Tweet3. Move TOWARD discomfort.
Drifting apart can happen when we avoid tough conversations. Think about yourself, reclining on an inner tube, floating down the river. No effort involved. But if your bathing suit top gets snagged on a tree branch, you’ll probably hop in the water and battle the current for it. Am I right? The same thing should happen if you hit a snag in your marriage. Maybe your husband said something that bothered you. Do you say nothing and drift away? Everybody likes floating along, but sometimes you have to get uncomfortable by turning around and going upstream, where you’ll have to fight the current. In marriage, that looks like hashing out a misunderstanding, revisiting a past hurt, or working through that issue that never got resolved.
Instead of telling yourself what your husband said or did was no big deal, it might be time to hop in the water and swim back to address it. Letting the current carry you is easy. But marriage takes work. It may take some long nights of talking, but moving toward the problem might be what your marriage needs.
4. Move AWAY from criticism.
“You never put stuff away!” When we criticize our husbands, we push them away and resentment can build. Instead of blaming him or going into attack mode, which can set you two against each other, try to remember you’re on the same team. Ellie Lisitsa from The Gottman Institute writes that when you view your relationship in this way, “you can form a strong foundation of trust, respect, and loving support even when you disagree or make mistakes.”
So, if your husband has trouble putting his stuff away, try this statement instead: “Honey, our home just looks better when we put things back where they belong. I’d really like it if you put the cereal away when you’re done.” Same team. Same goal.
5. Move OUT of harmful places.
Take a look at what you do that pulls you away from your husband. Is it social media? Playing on your phone? A negative relative or friend who sucks up your energy? Look hard at what steals your time—time that would be better spent on your relationship. Then work on transferring those minutes to him. It might not be easy to drop a bad habit, but it might be the move you need to move closer to your husband.
So, if you want to know how to grow closer in marriage, start small. Little moves in your husband’s direction could be the right way to go.
If a friend asked you how to grow closer in marriage, what advice would you give?
