We walk down the aisle feeling so hopeful. Then, at the altar, we promise to love this man we’ve chosen above all others. And it’s hard when we’re standing there, gazing at this guy with whom we’ve shared countless conversations and laughs, to believe it could ever get tough or—heaven forbid—dull. But two years, five years, 15 years later, it happens! That’s normal. Even though you both might enjoy the occasional night off or time with friends, you always come back to each other. Because he needs you and you need him.
You are your husband’s Most Valuable Person. And in every winning marriage, there are attributes of an MVP that make her No. 1. No matter how long ago you took your vows, here’s a gentle reminder of what a husband needs. Yours relies on you more than anyone else for these 5 things.
1. Respect
My friend Kelly’s husband recently sprained his knee skiing. “I wanted to say, ‘I told you so,’” she told me, rolling her eyes. “But he’s been having so much fun. Besides, he’s a big boy who can make his own choices.” We might not always agree with our husbands, but it’s important to be respectful of their decisions, especially in front of the kids.
What a husband needs more than anything is his wife’s respect. Watch what you say and how you say it. Support him rather than treat him like another one of your children. Validate his opinion even if you disagree. If your husband has your respect, he will have more confidence in his duties as a husband and father.
2. Loyalty Above Other Relationships
My book club is the first Thursday of every month. My husband supports it. Getting together with friends is important to both of us. But I’m not going to dish about my husband’s job with the girls or anything else that’s sensitive or private. In a strong relationship, loyalty to your husband and his feelings should always come first.
Having each other’s confidence and loyalty will help sustain a marriage over the years. Not having that closeness can leave gaps that, with time, could widen. Those gaps could then cause you both stress down the line. If your confidante is your friend, your mom, or your sister, try shifting that loyalty to your husband.
3. Interest in Him as a Guy
At a dinner party recently, I found myself gazing at my husband as he chatted with the person next to him. Wow, I thought, my eyes taking in his angular face and dark hair from a few feet away. He looks so good tonight. When he turned my way, I winked. He smiled back, later confiding that he loved finding me staring at him.
Try to think back to that cute guy you once dated. If he’s like most husbands, yours probably wants you to look at him that way again. Not only will it make him feel good, but it might also just give him the confidence to go after you too.
4. Honesty in All Things
“You really should hug the kids more,” I said to my husband one night as we crawled into bed. “Instead of waving from the door when you say good night, go in and hug them. They’d like that.” My husband sighed and nodded. “You’re right,” he said. “I’ll try to do that more.”
When we talk about what a husband needs, it’s more than honesty about fashion or something minor. It’s honesty in parenting and in your relationship with each other. If you don’t pick up the phone when he calls, give him the honest truth about it later. Maybe he hurt your feelings or you felt overwhelmed at the moment with the kids. You’ll have a stronger relationship if you’re always honest with each other.
5. Forgiveness
“Wait. Do you mean from three years ago?” my husband asked during a disagreement. I’d cited something he’d done before and OK, it was from three years ago. He looked at me, incredulous. “Stop dredging up the past. Let’s deal with what’s happening right now.” He was right. After all, if I’d forgiven him then, why did I still have that issue on the tip of my tongue?
Nothing good comes from rehashing things from long ago. Make an agreement with each other not to do it. And if you have trouble forgiving your husband, pray about it, and consider counseling. For a marriage to truly thrive, wounds need to heal, and the first step is with forgiveness.
Nothing good comes from rehashing things from long ago. Click To TweetWhat a husband needs might include more than what we listed here. What else does a husband need?
