One day, as I played with my kids, a wave of sadness washed over me. I walked out of the room and up the stairs, sat on the steps, and cried. I was always surrounded by people, yet I felt so alone. Some friends who promised to be there for me had been gossiping behind my back about me being a single mom. This was on top of dealing with betrayal when my twins’ dad walked out.
If you’ve ever been betrayed, it can be hard not to stay stuck in that place of hurt. However, failing to heal can lead to bitterness, isolation, and stress, which can negatively impact your relationships, finances, and health. Healing allows you to move forward and live life more fully. Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Here are 4 ways to heal from betrayal as a single mom.
1. Don’t let betrayal alter how you feel about yourself.
When I first dealt with the betrayal of the twins’ dad leaving, I thought something was wrong with me, especially since he told me I would fail as a mom and an entrepreneur. Those words became my identity, and I eventually quit my own business because I no longer felt qualified to run it.
Sometimes, when we are dealing with betrayal, we adopt unkind words as our identity. Words hurt, but hurtful words don’t have to define you. You have the power to determine how you will respond and what you choose to believe about yourself.
2. Forgive your betrayer.
I used to believe the saying “forgiveness is for you” was too cliché—until I realized how much unforgiveness was hurting me. Before I forgave my kids’ dad, I felt so unworthy and falsely believed it wasn’t worthwhile to take care of myself. I stopped showering regularly, wearing clean clothes, or washing my hair. Then I forgave him, when I realized that hurt people hurt people and that his betrayal had nothing to do with me as a person.
I wrote down all the ways I felt hurt and betrayed, and out loud, alone in a room, I said “I forgive you” for each of the things I wrote down. Then I wished him well. It turned out to be a healing experience. I began to take care of—and feel like—myself again. Forgiveness isn’t an overnight process, and you may need to repeat these steps many times. But eventually, you will feel lighter. This doesn’t mean the person is off the hook or deserves a place in your life. Forgiveness is for you and is a key that’ll help you unlock more peace and joy in your life.
Forgiveness is for you and is a key that’ll help you unlock more peace and joy in your life. Click To Tweet3. Consider therapy.
Prior to therapy, I viewed most of life through the lens of pain and betrayal. Therapy helped me process and acknowledge the pain, find the lessons in what happened, and reframe those lessons to find the good so I could move forward.
Going to therapy doesn’t have the stigma it once did, so if you worry about that, don’t. It isn’t easy to bounce back after betrayal, but a licensed therapist can accompany you in a way that a friend or family member can’t.
4. Don’t give up on people. Not everyone is bad.
One day, I met up with an old roommate, and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was enjoying introvert life. I’d cut off nearly all friendships and relationships because I struggled with trusting people. She politely told me that isn’t who I am and that eventually, I would realize it and feel lonely. She was right.
It can be tempting to believe, because one person hurt you, that everyone is bad. But in doing so, you potentially miss out on amazing relationships. Instead of focusing on the betrayal, ask yourself, “Who stuck by me through it all?” You’ll probably discover that more people were there for you than betrayed you. Knowing this can help you move forward in confidence when building new relationships.
What part of dealing with betrayal has been the hardest for you to overcome?
