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How to Change Your Life by Being Kind to Yourself

Do you ever feel like you’re in a relationship with a bully? And I don’t mean a friend, significant other, or parent. Sometimes the person who is the most cruel to you is… you. That voice inside of you expects perfection, offers little mercy or grace, and criticizes every misstep. Being kind to yourself can be a daily battle.

The problem with that negative self-talk is that it’s easy to believe. After all, it comes from a trusted source: you! But you don’t have to live with hurtful words on repeat. There is so much freedom and joy in showing yourself a little grace. Here are 3 valuable lessons I’ve learned about being kind to yourself. Try them. I think you’ll like this new, kinder “you.”

1. Forgive yourself for past mistakes.

I’ve not always been happy with my earlier self, which isn’t fair to her; she was doing the best she could do at the time. I shouldn’t fault her for not knowing what I know now. If she had known those things, she would have made different choices. Part of being kind to yourself is forgiving yourself for past mistakes. You’ve gained valuable wisdom from them.

Self-forgiveness is acknowledging the negative feeling and then deciding to release it by saying it out loud: “I forgive myself for…” It’s not the easiest thing to do, but holding on to self-resentment keeps you stuck in the past, unable to see yourself as a new person capable of making better decisions moving forward. Remember that your heart has always wanted to do things well and to live generously toward others.

Holding on to self-resentment keeps you stuck in the past, unable to see yourself as a new person capable of making better decisions moving forward. Click To Tweet

2. Choose encouragement.

Looking at ourselves with a critical eye and having impossibly high standards feels like a good way to inspire change, but it usually has the opposite effect. Just like a victim loses her self-worth at the words and actions of an abuser, we become less confident and feel insignificant when we rehearse our faults and failures. Choose today to stop abusing yourself because when a woman feels encouraged, championed, and celebrated, she wants to keep rising and she inspires her children.

I have found that when I believe in myself, I will get to the other side of whatever obstacle I’m facing. I’m more capable than I give myself credit for, and people appreciate me more than I realize. Some of the ways I’ve learned to encourage myself are by posting motivating quotes on the bathroom mirror, keeping a music playlist of motivating songs, and looking at myself in the mirror to say some of the things I appreciate about myself. I refuse to let self-criticism have a say with me.

3. Give yourself credit.

Being kind to yourself means giving as much credit as you give criticism. Would you continue to work for a boss who never recognized the work you did and only pointed out your errors? If he took credit for all your successes and said you were just lucky to be along for the ride, you’d pack your desk and leave. Yes, you may have made mistakes, but look at what you’ve accomplished. You did that. And you are capable of doing more good in the years to come.

Next time you’re tempted to be unkind, look back and identify one good thing you did that got you to where you are now. “I took classes to get my degree.” “I forgave my friend and let go of the resentment that was sitting over me like a cloud.” “My kids and I made it through a school year with no trips to the principal’s office!” Being kind to yourself will create a stronger “you” and lead you to an even better place tomorrow.

How have you been unkind to yourself in the past?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

Does the voice in your head say nice or mean things to you? How can you be kinder to yourself?

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