“You still love me?” my son asked after he sat on his sister’s violin bow. I closed my eyes and tried to push the bubbling emotions down. When I opened them and found my son peering at me with concern, I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. “Of course I still love you. I know you didn’t mean it. There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you.”
Kids want to know they’re loved no matter what. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, let your kid know you love him, maybe with a hug and a kiss more times than you think. Here are 20 times when kids want that reassurance that you love them.
Kid Mistakes
1. When they mess up, let someone down, or ruin something you really liked.
2. When they’re less than perfect—with grades, sports, words and actions.
3. When they think they’ve disappointed you.
4. When they feel embarrassed.
5. When you yell at them.
The reason they need it: Kids typically want to please their parents. So, when they think they didn’t measure up in your eyes, they may need reassurance that your love doesn’t hinge on this one thing.
Mom Mistakes
6. When you forget to pick them up from school.
7. When they find their artwork in the trash (because you left it on top).
8. When you miss their game, recital, award ceremony, or teacher conference (because you scheduled something else at the same time).
9. When you can’t chaperone the field trip or volunteer at the class party (after you said you could).
10. When they overhear you saying something critical of them to your husband or a friend.
The reason they need it: Everyone wants to feel like a priority in the eyes of someone they love. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 or 55. But kids are still learning they’re not always going to be your sole focus. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, remind him that even with other things on your mind, your kid’s still number one.
School Mishaps
11. When a friend dumps them.
12. When the teacher scolds them, gives them detention, or sends a note (or email) home.
13. When the coach benches them or just doesn’t play them.
14. When they get picked last for the team or don’t get picked at all for partners in class.
15. When they get cut from the team or the play.
The reason they need it: When others make your child feel unlikable or don’t value your child’s great qualities, assure her there are others who do. And one of them is you. She wants to know one rejection doesn’t mean everyone will reject her. And your love is that reassurance: My mom loves me. I can get through this. I’m gonna be OK.
Life Mishaps
16. When they lose their hat or lunchbox.
17. When they populate the fish tank with school supplies and the fish dies.
18. When they leave their new bike outside in the rain and it rusts.
19. When they let go of the leash and you spend the afternoon searching for your dog.
20. When they stain their new clothes with chocolate, grass, juice, or all three.
The reason they need it: Feeling accepted for who they are is so important to kids. If they’re out exploring their world, mishaps will inevitably happen. But that’s part of life. And that’s how they learn. We can’t keep kids tucked safely away all day. They need to have experiences, make choices, and grow from them. Loving your kids through these mishaps gives them the courage and support they need to keep going and keep trying.
Loving your kids through mishaps gives them the courage and support they need to keep going and keep trying. Click To TweetKnowing how to make your child feel loved and valued is simple. Let your kids know you love them on bad days as well as good, when they mess up and when they please you, and never let a day go by without that reassurance. “Come here. Gimme a hug. Ya know what? I love you.”
Print out our 100 Words of Encouragement for Kids and use it today!
Knowing how to make your child feel loved and valued starts with expressing your love. How often do you think parents should say “I love you” to their children?
