I read the question in my guided journal: What are you most worried about?
My kids, I wrote with a sigh.
Write your worries here, the journal instructed.
“Where to begin?” I said aloud. I proceeded to write a waterfall gush of worries, ranging from one child’s diet to another child’s relationship with her boyfriend. And the tears flowed right along with it. I felt like I was drowning. I was stuck in worry mode 24/7 and didn’t know any other way to be. It’s impossible to stop worrying about your child. I thought it’s what a caring mother does—she cares enough to think over her children’s problems and find solutions. What I know now is a “caring mother” and a “worrying mother” are two different things, and the former is much healthier and happier. Here are 5 things a mom can do to go from worrying to caring.
Empathize instead of fix.
When a child tells you about a problem, focus more on empathy. It isn’t always your job to fix the problem. In fact, fixing all your children’s problems will not help them become problem solvers in the long run. Here’s an example.
Child: “Mom, I did really bad on my social studies test today.”
Worrying Mom: “Oh no! I should have helped you study more. I’ll email the teacher tonight and see if there is any way you can retake it or earn extra credit.”
Caring Mom: “Oh man, that’s tough. I’m so sorry to hear that. What are you going to do about it?”
Observe instead of catastrophize.
When you see a red flag, don’t jump to conclusions. Not every problem ends in catastrophe. Just make a mental note to keep an eye on it. It may be something, or it may be nothing. Here’s an example.
Your child has a fight with a close friend. He’s upset about it all evening.
Worrying Mom: “This is terrible. Because of this, they may never be friends again.”
Caring Mom: “I feel for my child. It’s hard to have a misunderstanding with a friend. I’ll check in on it tomorrow afternoon and see how it’s going.”
Welcome failure instead of fearing it.
Welcome failure? Yeah, right. It’s painful to see our kids fail. But looking back, we know our own failures taught us so much. If we remember that failure can help shape our kids in positive ways, we can more easily let go of fearing it. We don’t have to be completely hands off, but worrying moms go beyond that. They’re constantly trying to prevent their kids from failing. Here’s an example.
Worrying Mom: “I’d better make sure she has everything for softball so she doesn’t get benched for not being prepared. OK, let me make a list of everything she needs.”
Caring Mom: “Hey hon, do you have everything you need for softball tomorrow? If you don’t get it all together, you’ll have to suffer the consequences.”
Practice self-consideration instead of self-neglect.
One idea for how to stop worrying about your child is to realize the toll it’s taking on you. Sometimes we worry so much about our kids that we put all our time and energy into them—and none into ourselves. Stopping to ask ourselves what we need today can seem like a joke. But self-consideration needs to be a priority, and it can’t always get shoved to the bottom of the list. Here’s an example.
Worrying Mom: “My daughter seemed so disappointed when I said I couldn’t pick her up from school today. Maybe I should reschedule my doctor’s appointment so I can pick her up.”
Caring Mom: “Aw, she was disappointed. I’ll try not to book a doctor’s appointment around dismissal next time.”
Surrender it instead of gripping it tighter.
Sometimes when we can’t see an easy solution to a problem a child is having, we get stuck thinking about it. We think obsessing over it will somehow produce a result, but there are some things simply out of our control. Holding it tightly will only exhaust us. When we’ve done all we can do, we can surrender it instead. The way I’ve been able to surrender things is by handing them over to God. Here’s an example.
Worrying Mom: “Let me replay this situation again. I know there has to be some way for me to solve it. There has to be a way.”
Caring Mom: “Dear God, I can’t solve this. It’s out of my control. I surrender it to you. I know you love my child even more than I do. I trust you in this. I know you have good plans for my child.”
God, I know you love my child even more than I do. I trust you in this. Click To TweetWhat do you do when you feel stuck in worry mode?
