I stood on the sidelines, slightly behind the other parents parked in camp chairs, keeping my mouth shut and pacing. Every single boy on the soccer team chased the checkered white ball, swinging his arms, hurrying across the grass—everyone, of course, except for the goalies, who stood guard at their nets, and a certain brown-haired boy who hung back from the crowd of players, on the outskirts of the action. My son.
To be honest, he thought soccer was OK, but he didn’t have the heart to pursue it full throttle. I wanted him to find a sport he loved, but we’d tried just about everything, and he was lukewarm on most if not all sports. Hours spent in the back yard kicking the ball with him went nowhere. He’d rather curl up on the couch with a book. I needed to find a better approach with my son than pushing him into activities I liked more than he did. And I needed to do it soon before it damaged our relationship. Here are 5 ways to let go and not force kids and sports to go together.
1. Accept his interests.
In the late middle school years, I finally realized I could do what I could to encourage, but I shouldn’t force my son to play team sports. He’d rather read, play complicated board games, and learn video game theme songs on his trombone. Of his interests, I like reading, but I have a harder time relating to the other two. But I tried. I spent hours learning new games and applauded his new musical repertoire. My son is his own person. When our kids find healthy activities that ignite their imaginations, we should celebrate them rather than lament what could have been. It can be hard, but it’s better for their self-esteem.
2. Pursue your own interests.
I missed playing sports as an adult and I admit I wanted to live a little vicariously through my son. That’s why he got a baseball glove shortly after he could walk and tennis lessons once he could hold a racket. But when I realized he didn’t have the same passion I had, I knew I couldn’t give up on sports entirely—so I pursued them myself. I started running and entered races. I missed training and craved competition! When our kids see us actively pursuing a sport, or something else we love, they may be encouraged to give it a try. In the meantime, we’re satisfying a need we have and only we can truly fulfill.
3. Try new sports together.
My son tried downhill skiing when his Boy Scout troop made it an outing. He took a lesson and fell in love with it! Because we live in an area that gets snow, our family was able to visit the slopes a few more times that winter. It’s now become my son’s favorite sport! I never skied growing up, so discovering my son’s new interest came as a surprise. Trying a new sport together, taking beginner lessons as a family, and showing your own vulnerability in a new activity may subtly influence your child in unexpected ways.
4. Let him have fun.
I wholeheartedly believe in physical activity as beneficial not only for the body but for the brain. This was one of my main motivations for finding a sport my kid liked. But it turns out that he likes taking walks, riding his bike, and playing pickleball with his grandparents. All physical activities! He may not letter in high school and I’m working on myself now to accept that. He’s learning what activities are fun and the bonus effect is they’re good for his health too.
5. Dial down the pressure.
I’m not holding my breath, but I’m hoping my son will give the high school cross-country team a try. I want him to experience the joy of being on a team and the rush of competition. I want him to know it’s OK to come in last too. When I go for a run these days, I periodically ask him to join. Sometimes he does. I’m not going to push him, but if he decides to give the team a try, I’ll support him in a way that won’t stress him out (I’ll leave the oversized fan face at home.). Sometimes kids want to do the opposite of what we’d like. Downplaying our own desires for our children might help them find what they truly love to do.
It’s OK to come in last. Click To TweetDo kids and sports go together in your household? How do you feel about it?
