I love it when my daughter Reese confidently speaks her mind. Where did she learn that? I’ll think to myself. Because even though I can ask tough questions during an interview when needed, sometimes, outside of work, I might really want to say something, but I don’t want to come across as demanding or braggy.
As moms, we try our best to get things done and do them well—for our children and for our families. And in all of that, there are things we need to be comfortable saying. Expressing them is good for us and for our children. Take a look at these 4 sentences every mom should be able to say.
1. “I need help. “
You hear a lot about grit in the sports world, and athletes definitely have to dig deep and persevere when they’re training and competing. But there’s another quality that helps us achieve–the ability to ask for help.
Saying “I need help” gets us the support we need. It’s different from telling our husbands, for example, “You should help me more.” It’s admitting that we’ve reached our limit, without pointing fingers. “I need help” gives others the chance to problem-solve and show us empathy, and can actually bring us closer. It can apply to seeking new ideas and ways of doing things—letting others spur us on through collaboration. Asking for help is a good skill for our children to learn. One study found that college kids who ask for help make better grades, and I’ve seen its power on the field when players ask teammates for help and then go on to achieve success.
2. “Look at what I did.”
Most moms are not good at praising themselves. iMOM founder Susan Merrill talks about how coming up with a name for iMOM was a challenge. “Our fatherhood program is All Pro Dad,” she says, “and men are OK with thinking they’re great, but women are so hard on themselves that they would never say, ‘I’m an All Pro Mom!’”
But it’s good for us to say out loud, and especially in earshot of our kids, “Wow, look what I did.” If you’re hesitant, believe me, I get it. When I come off the field or off the set, my first instinct is to look for what I did wrong. But we should recognize our abilities and achievements. If our children learn to do this, it will help increase their dopamine, boost their self-confidence, and break the negative-feedback cycle if they’re too hard on themselves. All of those outcomes are great for us too!
3. “I can’t right now.”
There are some sentences that moms are very comfortable saying: “Sure, I can do that.” “Yes, I’m free.” “No problem, give it to me.” I’m feeling stressed just typing those words! But I also love the privilege and challenge of having more responsibility! Still, especially in our mom-world, it’s OK to not do it all. It doesn’t mean you won’t take on more eventually, but pause a beat before you do. You can try some of these ways to say no, if it comes to that.
Again, it’s a positive for our children to see us taking care of ourselves and knowing our limits. Yes, there will be times when we really don’t have a choice—and that’s the time to show grit, but when we do have a choice, it’s fine to say “I can’t right now” to people in our house and out in the world.
4. “I love my job!”
There are days I still can’t believe I get to work at ESPN. My children know that I love what I do. They also know that I love them more than my job. That’s why it’s OK for me to share the joy I get from working. Maybe your job brings you joy, or you find it from something completely outside your job—working out, hiking, cooking, reading, or hanging out with friends. It’s healthy for our kids to see us find joy in different areas of our lives, places where we can use our talents and gifts. When our children see us joyful, they’ll feel even more free to seek and find joy in life.
And finally, I’m going to speak up like Reese and say one more sentence because on the awesome days and especially on the challenging days, we all want to hear, “You’re a great mom, and you’ve got this!” Let’s go!
What’s something you find hard to say, but know you should say more often?
