I was struggling, and my kids were too. Here’s the backstory: I noticed that when I came home from work, or even from a short trip running errands, Reese and Jack would start fighting and arguing with each other, and acting out to get my attention. They didn’t do that when I was gone because they weren’t trying to get anyone else’s attention—they wanted mine. Kids can never get enough time with Mom, right?
I saw it from their side, and from the mom side too. Most moms are already spread really thin, and no matter how much time we give our children, we still feel like we’re not giving enough. That’s what had me struggling. I felt like I was letting them down because I couldn’t give each of them the attention they wanted. So, we started doing something relatively simple. We call it Special Time, and it’s been working pretty well.
Special Time Basics
Special Time is intentional, daily, one-on-one time. Giving it a name makes it feel unique to Reese and Jack, and to me. During Special Time, there’s no phone, no work, no anything but my undivided attention. And the big key is that siblings aren’t a part of the mix. Special Time is at least 10 minutes with each of my children. I know, 10 minutes might sound like “Wow! You can only give 10 minutes of undivided attention to your kid?” But 10 minutes can feel like a long time when it’s Mom’s full, undivided attention. And even on busy days, I can do at least that, and most of the time we go longer than 10 minutes.
Kids get to choose.
A fun part of Special Time for kids is that they get to choose what to do. One day, Reese wanted to go pick some flowers in the yard; another day we did some gymnastics (as my body reminded me the next day!). Jack is all about riding his scooter down the street. Another great aspect of Special Time is that you get to hear what your children are interested in and see what makes them happy. And you get to do it with them!
It makes leaving easier.
Special Time has been really great because even when I have to leave, I can say, “Hey, when I come back we’re going to do your Special Time, so think about how you want to spend that time and what you’d like to do with me.” It makes leaving easier for my kids by giving them something to look forward to. When I get home, they won’t have to act out to get my attention because they know they’re going to get dedicated time with me.
It lowers my “mom guilt.”
Special Time has helped me a ton too, maybe even more than it’s helped Reese and Jack. Instead of feeling guilty about not making enough time for them, now I can look at the day and say, “You know what? I’m really busy. I have all these things going on, but I’m going to allocate this time to my children.” And, unsurprisingly, having that time with them is the best part of my day.
That said, I only have two children, and I understand that for moms with more than two, having daily Special Time is a bigger challenge, especially if you don’t have someone to watch your other kids while you’re in one-on-one time with another child.
So go easy on yourself. Maybe your Special Time will be once a week or on weekends when you can get someone to help with the kids. Maybe your Special Time can be at bedtime when you tuck your younger kids in first and then spend one-on-one time with your older kids.
Since we started Special Time at my house, my kids act out less and seem more settled when I leave and when I get home. They’re happier. And as we know, when our kids are happier, we’re happier too.
Do you have a special tradition that you share with your kids?
