Being a kid in the ’80s was the best. We watched Saturday morning cartoons, perfected dances like the Kid ‘n Play and the Running Man, and pulled our hair back in banana clips. Now that I’m a mom, I think about what it must’ve been like to be a parent then. I might be oversimplifying things, but from my perspective, parenting seemed easier.
If you grew up in the ’80s or early ’90s, you might joke about your parents being hands-off. But maybe they were onto something. Maybe they’d mastered building autonomy in children and we just didn’t realize it. My husband likes to point out that during the summer, his mom kicked him out in the morning and locked the door. She’d set out a cheese sandwich at lunchtime and told him to drink from the hose. This is a far cry from me bringing lemonade and a tray of munchies to my kids as they play on their tablets, poolside. So this summer, I want to embrace my inner ’80s mom (and Prince) and party parent like it’s 1999 1989. Did you do these 5 things as a kid, too? Think you could let your kids do them now?
1. We walked to the corner store with two bucks and bought Coke and Sweet Tarts.
Barely tall enough to reach, my sister and I would slap our dollar and loose change on the counter and wait to see if we had enough to cover taxes. We might have to split that Coke! Then we’d walk home, mouths full of candy, change purses empty.
When my kids tell me what they want to buy with their money, I immediately launch into budgeting lessons. I’m so tight with how I allow them to spend that they have had few opportunities to learn the natural consequences of wasting their money, which is a big part of building autonomy in children. (But let’s be real, Coke and Sweet Tarts are solid purchases.) Next time we’re at the store, I’m going to try to let my kids spend some of their money without getting a lecture first.
2. We rode our scooters and skinned our knees.
My scooter was royal blue with a gold lightning bolt on it. I remember the day I fell off because I took a turn too quickly. As I stared at my bloody knee and picked gravel out of my hands, my dad, who was on his way home from work, pulled around the corner. I started crying. He slowed down, rolled down the window, and said, “You didn’t start crying until I pulled up!” Then he rolled up the window and drove away.
Was it mean? Heck yes! I’m still mad at him. But I remember getting up and brushing myself off. Scraped knees and sweat-matted hair are signs of a childhood day well spent. Every kid should have to walk home with a cut or a flat tire at least once, and I want to be the mom who gives my kids room to take that walk on their own.
3. We formed a posse.
Every day over the summer, we’d gather on the green cable box, no texting required. Kids would come and go, dipping in and out of games. We’d play Red Rover, “school,” and tag. We’d pick captains, get in fights, and tattle to our parents. If we were lucky, one house had ice pops at the ready.
There aren’t a lot of kids in our neighborhood now, but there’s still something I want to take away from the parenting style of the ’80s to help my kids socialize. Just letting them get together with friends for unstructured time, as opposed to a playdate at a minigolf course or arcade, can teach them about social skills, playing fairly, and sharing.
4. We explored the neighborhood.
I remember the excitement I felt one day when a boy in our crew found a hole in a fence bordering another subdivision. As we trekked through a big back yard, our imaginations told us we were wandering into uncharted lands where surely there was a haunted house or a mean old man on a front porch.
To embrace my inner ’80s mom, I’m going to try to turn a blind eye to “risky” behavior more often. My mom knew what we were doing and she probably could come up with half a dozen reasons it was a bad idea, but it gave us a thrill. Building autonomy in children requires that we allow them to explore within the boundaries we’ve set for them, even if we think the behavior has risks.
5. We made up dances in the back yard.
The year was 1987. The song was “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany. My sister and I made sure our purple boom box had its four D batteries and we played and rewound, played and rewound that tape over and over again, making up the finest choreography to “Running just as fast as we can! Holding on to one another’s hands!”
Sure, my mom signed us up for camps, but we weren’t so overscheduled that we had no time just to be sisters. A lot has been said about the benefits of allowing kids to be bored, but allowing siblings to be bored together leads to some great bonding moments.
We had a great chat about our summer routines as kids and now as moms on the iMOM Podcast episode, “Summer Break(down).” Listen here and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
What’s something about the way you were parented that you realize was pretty great and want to do with your kids? How do you practice building autonomy in children in your home?
