Moms sure do love sharing the nitty-gritty details, starting with our childbirth stories. When I was pregnant, my friends’ inside scoop left me feeling anxious about what was to come. Later, when our girls started elementary school, I found myself feeling the same way about the teen years, too, as mom after mom knowingly confided: Just wait until the teen years.
Well, I didn’t need to worry. And, Mom, neither do you. Your child doesn’t wake up one day suddenly as a teenager. It’s a process of development for you both that takes years. And, just like your birth plan gave you a framework to prepare you for what’s next, there are things you can do now to get ready. Discover 5 parenting choices you can make during elementary school that set the stage for a healthy relationship with your future teenager.
1. Pay attention to what matters to her.
When our oldest started kindergarten, Ludacris and Justin Bieber weren’t even on my radar, much less my playlists. But then one of Emmy’s new school friends introduced her to their song, called “Baby.” And before long, I knew all the words, just like my girl did. Now, as a teenager, she still shares her favorite playlists and uses songs to help her express some of her struggles to me.
By paying attention to what matters to your child in elementary school, you create a reliable and safe space for her to come to you about important things now and later. One day, she’s your second-grader animatedly explaining the rules of that recess game she and her friends made up, and, seemingly, the next day, she’s a 13-year-old coming to you about feeling overwhelmed in school. Right now, you’re building a solid foundation of trust that will hold you both up during the teen years.
2. Make it a priority to eat dinner together.
In elementary school, we ate dinner together nearly every night. It was so much easier then because our daughters’ after-school activities took up way less time than they do now as active teenagers. However, our 18-year-old still insists on eating dinner together at least once weekly. She says she feels better afterward. So, I wasn’t surprised to read the American Heart Association survey results that showed 91 percent of parents say their family is less stressed when they eat together.
Eating together looks different for every family. Some sit around a table, say a prayer, and eat a home-cooked meal from scratch. Others may pick up a pizza after picking up the kids from after-school care and then eat in the kitchen. Some might grab a quick bite in the car while waiting for practice to start. How your family dinner looks is less important than making it one of your parenting choices to prioritize family dinner.
How your family dinner looks is less important than making it one of your parenting choices to prioritize family dinner. Click To Tweet3. Put down your phone.
If you’re like the rest of us, you’ve achieved Master Level Multitasking status years ago. In addition to reading this post, you might also be using your phone to create a Sign-Up Genius for the year-end class party, ordering snacks from Amazon, and texting your husband a reminder. You have many moving parts and depend on your phone to keep the family machine going. So, at times, it can be one of the more challenging parenting choices to implement.
Your child probably doesn’t own a phone just yet. But, at some point, he will, and he’s learning how to use one by watching you.
When you model for your child to take time away from technology, you teach him the importance of being in the moment with the people you love the most. For some moms, that looks like putting the phone on silent during certain hours (and when everyone is safely home!), taking off the smartwatch during dinner, or leaving the phone inside when playing with the kids outside.
4. Go on one-on-one dates.
Creating space in your calendar to go on one-on-one dates with your child allows for undivided attention and fosters a deeper connection between you. Plus, you create an environment for open communication, making it easier for your child to share thoughts, feelings, and concerns that might not come up during the busyness of your everyday family routines.
By setting the expectation that you make time for each other now, you ensure that you’ll continue to do so during the teen years when peers become increasingly important. Need help deciding what to do? Create a bucket list of dates for you and your daughter or you and your son. 
5. Practice active listening.
Active listening is more than just hearing the words. It’s the process of listening with the intent to understand your child’s perspective, whether you agree with her or not. When your parenting choices include active listening, you’ll ask your child questions like, “What did you think?” “How did you feel?” and “Am I hearing you correctly when you say…”?
Research from the University of Reading shows active listening helps open teenagers up. “In parent-teenager relationships, quietly listening to a teenager while showing them they are valued and appreciated for their honesty has a powerful effect on their willingness to open up,” explains Dr. Netta Weinstein, research study co-leader.
What has been one of your favorite one-on-one dates with your child?
