Years ago, my daughter and I stood in front of the glass doors at Barnes and Noble, looking at our reflection, giggling about our matching shirts. Now that she’s a teen, we don’t dress in matching outfits, but we have similar styles that include lots of hoodies and leggings and an aversion to crop tops.
I’m not sure what I said exactly to influence her more modest style, but I’m grateful, nonetheless. I think moms are huge influences on their kids, and often, we do it under the radar. But if you want to think more about your impact, here’s how to influence your children in these 5 areas—because a parent’s influence on child behavior is greater than you might think.
1. Values
It can be hard to stay on top of things, especially when we’re worn out. Who hasn’t been tempted to let a little bad behavior slide? But if you want your child to really learn your values, it takes ongoing effort. As your kids’ role model, you can teach things like perseverance, respect, and generosity by living those values yourself. My friend’s son, for example, always greets me when I see him and asks, “How are you?” He makes good eye contact as he waits for an answer. Good manners is something I know his mom values because she is super polite and thoughtful too.
2. Confidence and Self-Esteem
When things don’t go as well as you want, how do you respond? My friend Heather’s working on a degree in nutrition and also balancing a job and a family. “My boys are rooting for me and if I moan over a bad grade or give up, they’re going to think that’s the way it is. So, I’ll say something like, ‘I’m going to study more and do better on the next test.’” She’s modeling a growth mindset so that her kids develop perseverance and a good attitude toward setbacks too.
3. Healthy Habits
A parent’s influence on child behavior is huge. Does your child ever catch you heading outside for a run or doing a HIIT workout in the living room? In a study published in Psychological Medicine, a researcher at Harvard wrote that “[children] of mothers with a healthier lifestyle adhere to a healthier lifestyle later in life.” In other words, your influence over your child’s health is huge just by being a good example.
4. Outlook on Life
My husband’s positive outlook is a clear reflection of his mom’s who, early on in our marriage, gave me a Life is Good “glass half full” shirt. She really lives positivity! I’ve tried to take a similar approach in my life because I know it rubs off on others. Educational psychologist Michele Borba believes that “your attitude as a parent is contagious. An optimistic outlook can help kids thrive.” We have influence over our kids’ general outlook. If you make effort to see the silver lining more often than not, your kids will take notice and do it, too.
If you make effort to see the silver lining more often than not, your kids will notice and do it, too. Click To Tweet5. Extracurriculars
When I was a kid, my mom loved basketball, so we played H-O-R-S-E a lot after dinner. Her enthusiasm often compelled my sister and me to scarf our meals so we could have more time to play. In my mind, I can still hear my mom’s laughter after she sunk a surprising shot and can picture her cheering when I took my turn. When we get excited about something and put time into our relationship with our kids, they get excited too. Our passions influence our kids’ passions. Get excited about going to the library if you want your child to read more. Take her hiking on the weekends if you want her to love the outdoors. A parent’s influence on child behavior is so big! So, use it.
How have you witnessed parents’ influence on child behavior in your community or in your child’s school?
