My kid bobbed in the water a few feet away. “Listen!” I said. “You have to push your chest up to the sky and squeeze your—” He ducked underwater. A few seconds later, he popped up and I tried again. “The backstroke takes a lot of strength in your—” He disappeared, a ripple swirling on the surface above his head. Argh! I seized his arm. “Stop that,” I said, right as he sprayed a mouthful of water across my face. His feet then found my leg and he pushed off, disappearing underwater again. I simmered with frustration, wondering why I even bothered.
Some things came easily for my son, but the backstroke wasn’t one of them. His younger sister could do it, but not everything comes easily for everyone. With this swim stroke, my son expected immediate results and when he didn’t get them, he gave up. I want to teach him to persist when things get tough. But how? Perseverance for kids starts with a shift in expectations. Here are 5 ways to teach kids to be patient and have perseverance when they want quick results.
1. Help them understand it’s a difficult journey and they’re at the beginning.
“You weren’t born knowing how to do this.” I sat with my son on the edge of the pool. “If you want to be good at something, it takes time.” In an age when internet speed is fast, dinner gets delivered to your doorstep in under a half hour, and you skip the movie theater because movies go straight to streaming, we get used to wanting something and seeing results fast. But mastering a skill takes time. Talk to your child about being realistic and not expecting immediate results. “Look,” I said. “You’re new at this and it’s tough. It’s going to take some time and that’s OK.”
2. Help them set small, achievable goals.
“Let’s work on hand-eye coordination first,” I said to my daughter, passing her the softball bat. One of her teammates regularly hits doubles and triples, but my daughter hasn’t been playing the game as long. We needed to focus on one thing at a time. “Once you’re connecting regularly with the ball, we can tweak your stance,” I said. “Meanwhile, I think we should celebrate when we see improvement with your swing. What do you say?”
3. Teach them that bumps are a normal part of the journey.
My son has taken piano lessons for a few years now, but because of a busy school year, his music has taken a back seat. His teacher told us with some more focus and dedication, he could get back on track. Simultaneously, my daughter sprained her finger and wasn’t able to practice much before a recent piano recital. I’ve told my kids learning an instrument will have periods of big and little growth and bumps along the way, depending on other things happening in their lives. But that’s OK! Progress is progress.
4. Teach them that it may be hard to see progress, but it’s happening.
As adults, we may set fitness or weight-loss goals but get discouraged and stop when we don’t see anything happening. But I’m positive that exercising more and eating healthier foods are impacting our health. We just may not notice it. Likewise, when our kids start something new, something is happening every time they practice, whether it pertains to muscle memory or comprehension of a concept. Noticeable results may take time with kids, but it’s the little, invisible steps along the way that build the foundation for real learning. Just like the scale: the number might not budge, but changes are happening on the inside.
Noticeable results may take time with kids, but it’s the little, invisible steps along the way that build the foundation for real learning. Click To Tweet5. Teach them that the time frame to reach their goals is flexible.
What happens when we set a goal and don’t reach it? We get frustrated and give up. Try moving the deadline back if your child needs more time. When my son didn’t reach his goal of making Tenderfoot in Boy Scouts because of other things happening in his life, we talked about a new time frame for him. This made him feel reenergized about working toward his goal instead of feeling stuck or giving up. As licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin states, “Self-discipline is more important than IQ when it comes to predicting academic success.” So, encourage perseverance for kids. Help them stick with it even if the journey’s a little longer than they expected!
Based on Amy Morin’s book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do
What other advice can you offer to help develop perseverance for kids?
