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3 Signs Your Child’s Social Media Habit Is Unhealthy

My son peeked over my shoulder and said, “Can you post that on Facebook, Mom?” He’s only 10, but he knows the fun of sharing a photo, receiving likes, and feeling that dopamine hit. In that brief moment, I got a quick taste of the effects of social media on children, so since that time, I’ve pulled back my social media usage. I’ve also thought carefully about what age I’ll allow my kids to start their own accounts.

Research shows that kids who spend more than three hours a day on social media are at a higher risk of poor mental health. And get this—on average, 13- to 18-year-olds spend three hours and one minute on social media platforms every day. So if we connect the dots, it’s safe to say that the average teenager is at risk for poor mental health. Checking her phone’s screen time report is handy, but there are other signs to be on the lookout for to know if your kid’s social media habits are verging on unhealthy, like these 3.

Her real life and her curated life don’t match.

When you take in the manicured lives of other people via TikTok, Snapchat, or Instagram, it’s nearly impossible not to compare yourself to them—that girl’s makeup, that guy’s abs, the way she pouts so perfectly. If you find your child’s posts about herself look different from her life in reality, it’s a sign she’s trying to appear to be something she’s not. Feeling the need to present an inauthentic life is a sign that social media is turning into an unhealthy habit.

Feeling the need to present an inauthentic life is a sign that social media is turning into an unhealthy habit. Click To Tweet

A mom’s response: First, you have to know what your kids are posting, which means you need access to their accounts and to be aware if they have fake accounts. Time to do some digging and monitoring. Also, do a reality check with them after they spend time on social media. Ask questions like, “How do you feel about yourself after you scroll?”

Real-life accomplishments and experiences don’t matter as much.

Anyone who has spent too much time on social media has fallen for the lie that “if I don’t post it, it didn’t happen!” My friend’s daughter swam a personal best and as soon as she accepted her medal, she grabbed her phone to post a photo. My friend said, “Why grab your phone? Just enjoy the moment.” Her daughter’s response was, “This is how I enjoy it. By sharing it.”

A mom’s response: If you notice that your child isn’t finding joy in life when she’s detached from her phone, it’s time to schedule some intentional time away from it. Get outdoors. Help your child discover a new hobby and be willing to invest in it. Get to the heart of the matter with questions like, “If no one else knew what was happening right now, how would that change the way you feel?” or “Who do you hope is seeing this and who are you trying to impress?”

He gets anxious when he’s not on his phone.

I’ve found myself carrying my phone from my bedroom to the kitchen for no reason. Meanwhile, my father will run errands for a day and leave his phone at home. That’s two different generations on display. Take that up about 20 notches to kids today, who have never been without cell phone access, and it’s easy to see how they can feel like it’s as essential as oxygen. One of the effects of social media on children is that they see disconnection from it as a disconnection from life.

A mom’s response: Your child’s mental health is worth taking action over. Put all the phones in a lock box at night. Yours too. Just leave one out to serve as the house phone. Make meals, car rides, and any other important times phone-free. Don’t expect your kids to go quietly on this one, but like all good things (I’m giving social media a lot of grace here), moderation is key.

What effects of social media on children have you noticed? What are you doing to push back against them?

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