My trigonometry teacher from high school was a genius. Literally. She was in Mensa, and I adored her. After graduation, we met up for brunch, and she dropped some wisdom on me within a few moments of sitting down. I commented that there were too many options, and I couldn’t decide what to order. She put down her menu and gave me simple advice I’ve used many times over.
“Narrow it down,” she said. “If you could order three things, what would you order?” I replied, “Eggs benedict, corned beef hash, and an omelet.” Then she said, “OK. Now narrow it down to two.” She gave me a second and said, “Now, pick just one.” The server arrived, and I confidently said, “I’ll have the corned beef hash, please.” I’ve kept the line “narrow it down” in my back pocket for over 20 years and have applied it to more than just breakfast. Sometimes we need this kind of practical, succinct wisdom in parenting, too. Next time your kids are driving you crazy or you are fed up with homework, try one of these 3 easy-to-remember phrases that will help you be a better mom.
“I Get To”
During one Monday morning staff meeting, we got a motivational speech from the boss about seeing the work we do as a privilege. We were challenged to swap out “I have to…” for “I get to.” I get to return this phone call. I get to go to this budget meeting. I get to drive into the office today. Sure, it might have a trace of sarcasm, but if you embrace it, “I get to” is the starting point for reframing a situation.
Reframing in parenting can make you a better mom. I was texting with a friend when I heard my boys screaming at each other. “BRB. I have to go settle a fight.” As I walked to their room, I thought, “No. I get to go settle a fight.” Viewing this from an “I get to” perspective transformed it from an obligation into an opportunity to impact their relationship and teach problem solving.
“Them or Me”
One of my sons failed to turn in his homework, and when I opened his notebook, I saw in red pen, “Assignment missing. F.” My heart started racing. I immediately opened my email and started typing out a message to the teacher with apologies and excuses. As I wrapped up the email, I had a moment of clarity. As much as I care that my child turns in his assignments, I realized my motivation behind contacting her was that I was embarrassed by how his zero made me look.
When you’re angry, frustrated, embarrassed, or feeling impatient with your kids, try using the phrase “them or me,” as in, “Is this about them or me?” If your kids are driving you up a wall, pausing to ask “them or me” could help you recall the bad night’s sleep you got or that you are still upset about the fight you and your husband got in.
“Still Learning”
My younger son came up to me with a frown. “Please, can we just go home?” We’d only been at my sister’s house for an hour, and he was ready to leave. I was frustrated, but then I thought, “Still learning.” I’ve been his mom for nine years, but I’m learning that this kid is a homebody and home is his comfortable, happy place. I looked at him and said, “I know you want to be home, but we are staying a bit longer. When we get home, we can grab blankets and cuddle on the couch.”
Moms spend so much time teaching our children that we forget that sometimes we need to pause to observe them and learn. Remind yourself you’re a student of your kids with this phrase and you’ll train your mind to observe what your child is doing instead of just reacting.
Moms spend so much time teaching our children that we forget that sometimes we need to pause to observe them and learn. Click To TweetWhich of these phrases will most help you become a better mom?
