“You got this, Mom!” my 12-year-old daughter shouted at me. But “got this” clearly wasn’t accurate. In reality, I sat next to her, randomly pushing my controller’s buttons, attempting to maneuver a vehicle in a caged arena while also unsuccessfully battling other cars over a soccer ball. Yeah, Mom don’t got this. But, what I did get was bonding time with one of my tech-savvy kids as she patiently attempted to teach me how to play Rocket League, a game I’d never heard of until she asked to join her school’s e-sports team.
During the tween and teen years, it can feel more difficult to bond with your child as interests change and hormones kick in. Here are 5 ways to use technology as a bridge to connect with tech-savvy kids.
1. Text together.
Your heart will forever be tethered to your child’s heart. However, the way you connect and communicate with her changes as she grows. Texting lets you quickly check in on her, share a funny video, encourage her, remind her about practice, or let her know what time you’ll be there to pick her up. These etiquette texting tips might help.
Texting also gives tech-savvy kids a safe space to open up to their parents and share their worries or ask questions they find too embarrassing to ask face-to-face. As a mom, when you broach difficult or personal topics via text, you’re letting your kid know that texting can be a way to talk together that provides physical distance but not emotional distance. As an example, try texting this the next time you and your tween get into a disagreement.
As a mom, when you broach difficult or personal topics via text, you are letting your kid know that texting can be a way to talk together that provides physical distance but not emotional distance. Click To TweetHey. I’m not a fan of how our conversation went. I love you and know you don’t like it when we fight, either. Do you want to talk about it?
2. Game together.
While your days of Candy Land ended years ago, your kid probably still loves playing games. More than likely, though, they involve apps or controllers instead of dice and pawns. Playing video games with your child offers you the same bonding opportunities as playing traditional board or card games. Plus, gaming can be especially good for boys who prefer “side-by-side” rather than face-to-face communication.
Ask your child about the games he’s playing. Then invite him to teach you how to play. He’ll love being the expert and showing you all the tips and tricks of Minecraft, Rocket League, Game Pigeon or whatever else kids today can’t stop playing!
3. Read together.
Tech-savvy kids read differently than we did at their age. Lucky for them, they don’t need to wait a whole month until the newest edition of Seventeen or Teen Beat hits the magazine stands. Nope. Instead, they can get the latest teen lifestyle “articles” via social media posts. And lucky for us, we can read them right along with our teens, which can be great for conversation starters.
It’s not just social media posts, either. You can listen to podcasts in the car together, share the latest sports stats online, or even do book studies together online. My daughters and I have gone through several faith-based devotionals on the Bible app.
4. Get on the same page together.
Raise your hand if your family uses Amazon Wish Lists! Those gift-buying lists make it easy to know exactly what your kid wants for birthdays, Christmas, or “just because.” However, there are other ways to use technology to get on (or stay on!) the same page with your tween or teen. Use apps to assign chores, pay allowances, share calendars, and keep track of each other in real life or online.
Family Calendars, Schedules, To-Do Lists: Google Calendar, Cozi, OurHome
Money, Allowances, & Chores: Greenlight, BusyKid, GoHenry
Keeping an Eye On (online and offline): Life360, Bark, Canopy
5. Listen together.
As teenagers, my sister and I heard “Turn it down!” quite a bit from our parents as we blasted our stereos in our rooms. Whether they appreciated our music or not, they heard it. However, today’s tech-savvy kids pop in earbuds for a more exclusive listening experience. And, as moms, it takes a more concerted effort to listen to our kids’ music. But, it’s worth it!
“If you have teenagers and you can successfully listen to music together or share musical experiences with them, that has an even stronger effect on your future relationship and the child’s perception of the relationship in emerging adulthood,” explains Dr. Jake Harwood, a coauthor of a study from the University of Arizona. The young adults in the study who listened to music as teens with their parents rated their relationship with their parents higher than those who didn’t.
So, invite your child to share his favorite playlists with you—and share yours, too! Listen together in the car or at dinner. Ask what he likes about his favorite song. Listening to music that “speaks to him” can open the door to more meaningful conversations.
What is your family’s favorite app you use to stay connected?
