“Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” My mouth dropped open and I stared at the newlywed woman in front of me as she explained what she thought was the epitome of real love. Apparently, I was doing it all wrong. “I’m sorry” was probably one of the most often used sentences in our house, but I still thought my marriage was a happy and healthy one. And considering that I’d been married for nearly a decade while the young woman had only just gotten back from her honeymoon, I figured I’d wait a while to see if she changed her mind. She did.
Anyone who’s been married for more than a month knows that “I love you” and “I’m sorry” are essentials in a healthy marriage. But did you know it’s important to say these 5 things too?
1. Thank you.
When we thank our spouses, we tell them we value what they do for our families. We show that we’re grateful for their sacrifices and hard work, which helps our husbands feel appreciated and respected. If we don’t thank our husbands for the things they do, they might feel taken for granted. Husbands love to see their families flourishing because of what they’ve given them, but they still need to hear “thank you” from time to time to know that their efforts are recognized and appreciated.
2. I like your ___________.
I’ve always heard that the best compliment is a specific one. We all love to be told that we’re beautiful, but there’s something very satisfying when our husbands compliment a particular feature. The same is true for guys. When you focus on a particular feature of your husband—his fresh haircut, new cologne, or the way he reads to the kids at night—he knows he’s really being seen. Generic compliments can feel meaningless because they can apply to anyone, so try pinpointing specific things you like about your husband.
3. Let’s reconnect (emotionally, physically, or sexually).
A lot of couples feel tapped out by the end of the day. But after the kids are in bed is the best time to reconnect with your spouse. It can be super tempting to flop on the couch and watch some TV, but your marriage will benefit more from talking for an hour, playing games, or having sex. Couples that don’t reconnect regularly risk becoming more like roommates and friends than husbands and wives. Emotional distance can be dangerous, even in an otherwise healthy marriage, so be intentional about reconnecting with your husband.
Emotional distance can be dangerous, even in an otherwise healthy marriage, so be intentional about reconnecting with your husband. Click To Tweet4. Let me help you by _________.
For about four months straight, my husband seemed to start every day in a bad mood. After a while, I began to wonder if it was because of me. When I finally asked him about it, my husband said I drained the cold water filling the kids’ water bottles every morning, leaving him with lukewarm water filtering through the Brita pitcher in the sink. Once he told me the truth, it was an easy fix—I filled his glass first and left it in the fridge for him. As moms, we’re in tune with our kids’ needs and often don’t have bandwidth left for our husbands. But it goes a long way to create peace in your home when you check in with him, ask if you can do anything, and help when you can.
5. I need _________ from you.
For the first year of our marriage, I cooked dinner and did the dishes. I didn’t mind at the time. I didn’t have any work to do after dinner like my husband did, but after our son was born, I felt overwhelmed by the sink full of dishes. One night, I finally gave in and asked my husband for help. He was happy to wash the dishes, especially since he felt more capable at the kitchen sink than at trying to quiet our son. Most men love to take care of their wives’ needs. If you tell your husband what you need from him, you’ll be able to serve one another better.
What’s the one thing your husband most needs to hear from you right now?
