One day I was packing to travel out of state to teach a workshop. I began to feel dizzy and then fell. At the last minute, I reached out, grabbed the couch, and broke my fall. That was my wake-up call. I’d been attempting to be everything to my children to make up for the fact that their dad left. Because of this pressure and guilt, I’d been running myself into the ground. I was a victim of single mom burnout.
As single moms, we often try to be everything to everyone. If this sounds familiar, there is another way. Here are 5 ways to beat single mom burnout.
1. Skip the comparison.
When my twins were younger, I saw Facebook posts by my married friends with their children in Christmas photos wearing matching Burberry outfits and going on vacations. I didn’t want my children to miss out, so I began shopping for baby clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue and taking trips. I felt incredible burnout and financial stress as I tried to live like a two-income family.
Don’t look at social media or your friends to determine what life should look like. Determine what an authentic life means for you. Create a budget to align your financial plan with your family’s vision.
Don’t look at social media or your friends to determine what life should look like. Determine what an authentic life means for you. Click To Tweet2. Streamline your calendar.
It was time to leave for karate. While my child complained about having to go, I was yelling and pleading to hurry up so we would be on time for class. We finally left but later had to sprint into the studio. This was our routine twice a week. I began to ask myself, “Is this worth it?”
Extracurricular activities are nice but not essential, especially if they create a lot of extra stress or your child doesn’t want to participate. Consider letting your children take a break from extracurricular activities for a little while. Or ask your kids which activity they value the most and cut back on the rest.
3. Create healthy boundaries with your ex.
I recently spoke to a single mom experiencing a lot of stress because of her ex. He continually popped up at her home unannounced, quickly said hi to the children, and then screamed at her in front of them. After months of this, the children began feeling depressed and started blaming their mom for the family breakup.
Healthy boundaries are essential to your peace of mind and children’s mental health. Talk to your ex about healthy communication, coordinating schedules, and proper interaction in front of the kids. If that’s impossible, ask a family member, lawyer, or mediator for help.
4. Do a brain dump.
I spoke to a single mom one day who shared with me that she was experiencing single mom burnout from needing to remember and do everything. She told me it was so hard to focus on the bills, appointments, information, cleaning, cooking, vacations, and everyone’s needs and wants. She finally blurted out, “It’s a lot! I just don’t get a mental break!”
Moms have a lot to remember. Use your notes app, planner, or notebook to brain dump your to-do list. Prioritize the tasks that are the most urgent. Then add appointments, meetings, and deadlines to an online calendar or physical planner. Add reminders to your phone, and set an alarm the day of so you don’t forget. Review everything to see where you can ask for help.
5. Rethink what self-care means.
When my twins were toddlers, I didn’t think I could afford or have time for self-care, so I didn’t even try.
Self-care isn’t just manis and pedis. Ask yourself what brings you joy and a mental break. It can be as simple as going to bed early, watching a movie after the kids are in bed, or meeting a friend on a lunch break. You could take a day off work while your children are at school to sleep or do something you love. The possibilities are endless when you rethink what self-care means to you.
How do you beat single mom burnout?
