My son asked if we could bake together one Sunday. I eagerly obliged and he pulled the ingredients out of the pantry and fridge. Within two minutes, I was growing uneasy. He cracked the eggs, and most of the whites ended up on the counter. Then came the flour, and even though I’ve shown him how to scoop it out of the bag and level off the top, it looked like it had snowed all over my kitchen floor. I grabbed the measuring cup out of his hand and yelled, “Are you actually trying to make a mess?”
My husband was very patient and waited until later to say, “Was the messiness that big of a deal?” I knew he was right. Because I focused on the mess at the moment, I failed to embrace the bigger picture, a chance to bond with my son. Parenting is made up of a lot of little snapshots throughout each day, and we have to be careful not to zoom in too tight or our focus can become off. Here are 3 times it’s more important to see the big picture with your children.
1. When Their Grades Dip a Little
I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve worked with and respected who were not straight A students. “So you’re telling me you got C’s?” I asked a former boss, as if everyone who amounts to anything must have been pushed as hard as I was in school.
Seeing the big picture with your kids and their grades means appreciating balance because good schooling is measured by more than grades. If your kids bring home bad grades or their test scores come back reflecting something lower than what you know is their potential, ask yourself if they’re doing well socially, if they’re respectful of their teachers, and if they are growing in skills like organization and time management. If the answer to a couple of those is yes, then ease up on the pressure over grades.
Sometimes seeing the big picture helps you achieve balance.
2. When Fun Times Go Bust
As we sat in traffic on our way to Georgia, my husband reminded us of one of his favorite sayings: “The journey is part of the vacation!” From that point on, we looked at every hour in the car as a memory maker instead of a burden delaying the fun.
Sometimes we focus on one detail of a vacation, birthday party, or family outing, and when it goes haywire, we want to write the whole thing off. “They sent blue balloons for the party instead of green and I specifically asked for green!” Seeing the bigger picture means reframing the situation to find something to be grateful for, like the fact that you’re all together or that those balloons were just a bonus decoration anyway.
Sometimes seeing the big picture helps you grow in gratitude.
3. When You Catch Them Misbehaving
I’m working hard on responding instead of reacting, but it’s a skill I haven’t mastered yet. A friend with kids older than mine filled me in when she found a bottle of vodka in her son’s laundry hamper. Instead of freaking out and unleashing a punishment, she responded by asking him how often, how much, and with whom he drinks.
When you catch your child doing something wrong, take it as a cue to have a conversation about why he did it. The conversation doesn’t take the place of a consequence. It gives you a chance to grow your relationship.
When you catch your child doing something wrong, take it as a cue to have a conversation about why he did it. The conversation doesn’t take the place of a consequence. It gives you a chance to grow your relationship. Click To TweetSometimes seeing the big picture helps you learn about your child.
When else is it important to see the big picture in parenting?
